June 9 - This is Important

I want to be clear about a few things. Several of my loving friends and family have come to my immediate defense with righteous anger. I appreciate that. I feel angry a lot too. But I can’t live there.

I want everyone to know that I believe that Scott is a precious (if wayward) child of God. I believe he deserves that respect. I HATE the decisions he is making and how they make me feel and affect my life and family. But he is not an evil person.

Scott has many redeeming qualities. He is creative, has a great sense of humor, is physically active, attractive and fun. There is no one person I would rather have on my team (if he chooses to play the game). He is committed to his children.

God loves him exactly where he is right now, but I believe God designed the two of us to be together. God also gave us with free will. Scott is in a position to choose what he wants his life to look like and is taking steps to make that a reality. We all have that opportunity in ourselves. I struggle because my life picture includes him but he "can't ever see us together".

I understand that there is logistical stuff to work out. This is messy. We are in the process of separating financially. Regardless of the ultimate relational outcome, this piece is a growing experience that was necessary for both of us.

I am wired to be practical and task oriented. I will take baby steps to stand on my own two feet (or maybe on God’s toes sometimes). I don’t think Scott is out to get me or screw me up any worse than what has already been done. Some may think I’m being naïve; I’m just striving to be honest and true to my beliefs. I will stand tall. I will live without regrets. I will need your help, so thank you in advance. (-: