December 26 - Beautiful Christmas

We had a lovely morning together and spent time building memories and new traditions. I have such fun and adorable kids!

December 25 - Beautiful Letdown

Tuesday was my very last visit with Dr. Shulman. All cancer-related care is complete. Now we move on to maintenance mode. Dr. Shulman warned of "lateral displacement" complications because of the pectoral muscle action (and mine are over-active). Translation: buy a WonderBra from hell or your tits will end of up your armpits. Fabulous.

I sort of expected more of the last visit... a hug? a card? Nope. Just "Any questions?" and "Good luck." Huh. Guess that's it.

December 22 - S N-E-1 N?

Translation: Is anyone in?

In an attempt to be current and communicate efficiently, I have been converted to web phone access and texting. And I'm addicted. However, it is a whole new language which can be confusing sometimes. Even with emoticons, feelings and tone aren't always well communicated in 140 character blurbs.

In thinking about this the other day, I realized that this abbreviated transmission isn't as new as I thought. I was raised on the C D B! and C D C? books by William Steig, which are full of letter/number combos, word play with simply charming line drawings. I guess I've used text lingo my whole life, now I get to apply it for more than just being silly.

I love language; I'm up for the challenge. X-L-N!

Book Review - When You've Been Wronged

This quick read (which I still managed to drag over 2 weeks) features a lot of Biblical examples of bitterness and forgiveness, which is great. However, it tends to use church-speak, which my brain automatically shuts out, so I had trouble finding a practical application for the information.

What I was looking for were practical action steps to speed up the whole getting over Scott thing, and what I got was a lot of "let go and let God". I already knew it was a bad idea to harbor bitterness, seek revenge, poison my soul, etc. Where I get stuck is when I still feel angry, hurt, betrayed, and mourn the loss of my love and my family.

The book says the ultimate goal is reconciliation; the best I can ever hope for is partial reconciliation because "trust and respect have been so seriously eroded that there cannot be any real in-depth friendship." Sad.

And apparently I will get there by (1) speaking words of blessing about Scott, (2) feeling the emotions he's experiencing (none?), and (3) acting in a way to promote harmony. Sounds tough, but I'm a tough girl, and the result will be worth it.

December 16 - Wow!

I'm not sure how we qualified for this blessing, but Skyler was chosen to participate in Edwardsburg schools Project Christmas. A few 1st graders got paired with high school honor students, bussed to Meier, and spent an afternoon shopping for their families.

With Bridget's skilled guidance, Skyler picked out numerous items for each of us, then got to go play at Chuck-E Cheese. (And let's face it, any time kids get to enjoy C-E-C without parents having to attend it's a fabulous thing!)

Then Bridget took everything home, wrapped and labelled it, and delivered bags of goodies to our door on Sunday, along with gift cards to a couple local stores. A happy Skyler, pretty packages, and absolutely no cost to me! In this financially tight time, when everything still feels a little off kilter in the family, I am so thankful for this fun blessing. And I can't wait to discover what Skyler picked for each of us come Christmas morning!

December 10 - Tattoo Yahoo

My seemingly never-ending repair process continued today. I wonder if Dr. Shulman is moving to Florida to bring some closure to these loooooong cases!

Mom went with me, photographed and everything. It was much less traumatic since I knew what to expect, and Mom was there to hold my hand during the Lidocaine shots.

I didn't even get woozy, although I'm a little sore all across my chest now. Any kind of trauma and my chest muscles repeatedly spasm for the next 24 hours. Annoying! Valium helps the spasms but makes me less responsive to midnight child calls. I'll try to hold off for now...

December 10 - Totalled

This brief account of my auto adventures is for posterity - and to assure everyone that the family is physically safe. Unfortunately, I do not have anyone professional vouching for my sanity or driving skills at this point.

During a momentary distraction (I was moving my purse off my lap), I rammed into the back end of a stopped Honda on my way into work Monday. It's not my regularly scheduled day, so I was sauntering in to help out... till I waylaid myself. The Honda exploded but was drivable; the Volvo scrunched and was not.

After getting it towed to 3 places, I found out the damage was too extensive to be worth repairing. The great news: I have full insurance coverage and State Farm is efficient and helpful.

The yucky news: I have to buy a new car PRONTO! I detest shopping, cars, salesmen, haggling, spending money, paperwork... pretty much everything involved.

The stupid news: I can't find the title anywhere; getting a new one will delay the process by about a week.

The even stupider news: I just spent $250 on brand new tires 2 weeks ago when I had to be towed after the tire shredded on the toll road at midnight in a snowstorm.

Come on... it's so ridiculous you gotta laugh!

This is me trying to find the funniness in life.

December 7 - Directions

I always look at recipes more as general guidelines. I shade and smudge every drawing rather than outlining bold strokes. I detest being micro-managed. And I can't fold anything properly with matching corners.

The challenge is that "approximately" or "doing it my way" sometimes doesn't quite achieve the results I intend. Sigh... At least I'm striving for self-awareness.

Failed attempt to make pumpkin bread in pretty Pampered Chef tubes... Sigh...

December 4 - Mini-Joys

Naomi: butter (it's genetic), sparkly and shiny angels, blowing out candles, pretty sweaters

Skyler: Jesus' birthday (brown-noser), staying up late, playing in the snow, icicles, Mommy's Playmobile

Seth: reading in bed, cookie dough, presents! shopping!! & traditions

Mel: white fairy lights, dark chocolate holiday M&Ms (somebody stop me!), long-handled tea-spoons, going to bed early

December 1 - Decorating Details

Due to serious lack of sleep and repeated pleading from the children, the Christmas decorations finally got dragged out of the basement with much sighing from me. That's about as far as I got before falling asleep on the couch. Then the little fairies got busy, built the tree-in-a-box, and spread the decor generally around the living room. Normally this would make me break out in hives, because things don't necessarily match and the handmade preschool ornaments are not the color scheme I prefer. I admit I got a little snippy a couple times, but they were so excited and patient with me, who could stay annoyed? And they made a great team with pretty awesome results! I'm so proud!