November 27 -

I had all kinds of witty posts half-written in my head last week (picture football breasts below my smiley face), but we enjoyed time with friends in the mountains of Tennesee instead.

I'm having a love-hate relationship with this blogging thing. Partly because I don't want to harp on the same thing and no one needs this info anyway. Mostly because there isn't any news.

My chest incisions split open again - too much internal pressure from the expanders and the scar tissue inflammatory stage. So blah, blah, blah.
More wound care, more dressing changes, slower healing process, emotional toll...

Dr. Shulman said to throw out the calendar, timetable, planner - anything I might be hoping for - for a year. Depressing.

November 18 - So tired

I've been wondering why I'm so exhausted all the time - still. I can take 2 naps a day without any difficulty sleeping at night. This doesn't feel normal. I don't remember my kids being able to run relay races around me for hours on end before.

Those who have "been there" are sympathetic and try to be reassuring. I spoke to my cancer buddy from the American Cancer Society Reach to Recovery program this week. We were "matched" because we were diagnosed at a similar age, live in the same area, and both have three kids. However, she had a lumpectomy and chemo/radiation. She describes fatigue, but more related to treatment than surgery. And she was so perky, I suspect she had a more get-up-and-go attitude to start with.

My aunt and mom both say the physical and emotional toll lasted for about 3 months after all the interventions were done, with occasional set backs for a year. And they didn't have jobs or kids to deal with at the time.

Just because it's to be expected, doesn't give me any more patience for myself. If I wasn't dragging so low, I'd give myself a kick in the tail! I'm going to lay on the couch for a while and practice breathing now...

November 14 - Jolly Jumblies

Yesterday I went to the plastic surgeon at her regular office for the first time in a month. Got 60mL of saline shot into each side through a 3 inch long needle. Ow.

She's promising I should have "something like boobs for Christmas". I guess that means we're getting back on track. Watch out... I might be BOB-BOB-BOB-sledding your way!

November 11 - Adventures

This is how much better I am. Scott took off to California for a week to help his mom move and I'm holding down the fort (and frequently one or two children) alone. There's nothing smooth about regular life with work and three kids and a 91 year old gramma babysitter.

So the temperature dropped precipitously and the wind was whistling Dixie through the cracks in the windows. The local EMS guys came by with another friendly neighbor and helped take the 200 pound air conditioner out of the lakefront window. That helped!

Then we lost all power just because that's what happens in this neck of the woods. The kids and I had to get across town, but the automatic garage door had us trapped. So I called California for technical support, got the door manually released, but had to hold it up with both hands by myself. Still stuck.

So Seth (who's 8) had his first driving lesson. My toes, the mailbox across the street, and my screeching hysterical voice were all in danger of extinction for a few seconds. Future reference: point out the gas and brake pedals and gear shift, then reinforce that he does not need the gas to ease out of the garage. After shrieking back and forth in the Volvo wagon a couple times, he got the hang of it and we were both on an adrenaline high and on our way.

Last but not least, I freaked out and thought I had developed another tumor when I felt a hard lumpy area on my top left breast. My kind friend Shelly was here, confirmed the lump, then asked reasonably, "is there one on the other side?". Well, sure enough. Suddenly it hit me - I had found the input valves for the tissue expanders. Hmmm. I not only have a healthy dose of needless paranoia, but thin skin as well. Who knew!

See all the fun Scott's missing?

November 7 - Continued thanks

Just a quick note on the continued generosity of our friends, family and co-workers.

Just yesterday Ame gave me an envelope full of cash collected from Memorial Home Care people to buy groceries. We have gotten a few more freezer meals from friends. My dad sent money for new pink work shirts. My sister even sent her extra car payment check our way.

I wish I could say we didn't even need this kind of help, but with me not working up to full capacity yet and trying to pay off the medical bills, it has been a little tight. Like trying to squeeze orange juice from a Wheat Thin.

I'm thankful to God for continued provisions through all the wonderful people around us.

November 5 - Wheee!

Today was a bit of an emotional roller coaster. It's not me, I'm fine really.

On the upswing, it was my middle child's birthday today. He sat straight up in bed at 5:30 AM and announced in his best volume projected voice "I'm F-I-V-E now!". He's currently sleeping on the floor on my side of the bed, so I rushed to quiet him, but without success. He had the rest of the kids up within minutes.

So Skyler had a great day, with orange cupcakes, an attendance award at school, presents and whatever he wanted for supper.

But we also found out a long-time Johnson family friend, JoAnn, passed away from metastatic breast cancer. She has been struggling with advancing disease for several months, but this is still a sad loss for all who knew her. She has three successful grown children and many loving day care kids from her business left behind.

Then there are all the other little bumps that happen to those we love around us. Scott sells a car on Ebay at a great profit. Yea! A friend has to fire another friend at work. Boo. My older son is reduced to tears over the unfairness of cake distribution. Ummm... life isn't fair.

Holding on tight and trying to keep my supper down!

November 2 - Medical update

I saw the doctor yesterday at the wound care center. She brought her 18 month old daughter dressed up as a plastic surgeon - complete with a marker and a giant syringe of "Botox". Dr. Shulman believes in early career influences like me... "train them up in the way they should go" and all that. Adorable.

Anyway, we're down from 4 gaping wounds to 2 bloody, centrally located patches, which is great. I only have to go to the wound care center once a week for continued evaluation and monitoring. The doctor will start filling the tissue expanders a little more next week.

I asked about the weird sloshiness and shape, but she said that was normal with the tissue expanders and it's only an intermittant stage. She said she'd "break all that up and re-shape it in the next surgery". Sounds painful to me...

So I'm stuck with triangular boobs in my armpits for the next 6 months or so, which is apparently "normal" at this stage.