January 25 - Spiritual Gift Return Policy

Let me preface this post by acknowledging that I have zero theological scholarship credentials. I believe in God, I've been raised in and around religion, I've read the Bible (at least twice, haha). Beyond that, I claim no expertise.

Through decades of exposure and pressing in for spiritual growth, reading books and taking inventories, I have searched for God's purpose in my life. "Yes, Lord, but what do you want me to do?" I hoped somehow it would magically appear as a clear formula and tah-dah, productive spiritual life would begin.That hasn't exactly happened. Maybe you have the direct line to heaven, but I have to pray and think and process and read and discuss and take notes and pray some more, then finally take a baby step.

Anyway, through this process, I think I actually figured out my spiritual Gift. You know, that one thing you couldn't do without God, that may be out of your comfort zone, but definitely puts you in a position to further the Kingdom. Well, I think mine is empathy. And sometimes I'd really like to re-gift it. Particularly when I'm in a crowded church service, personally in a great space, and Can't. Stop. Crying. Because life is so hard, and people are so beautiful, and their journeys are so meaningful, and I feel it all around me moving. This is where my human self turns up her nose and rolls her eyes. This is where I'm certain the earthly me conflicts with who God has gifted me to be. And, boy, is that ever uncomfortable!

Why can't we pick our own gifts? I'd really like to be more charitable and discerning, for example. Or how cool would it be to have the gift of interpretation of tongues? Or spontaneously heal people?

Oh well. Despite my selfish leanings, I haven't figured out how to give this present back. So, if you ever need someone to cry with, to feel your pain, give me a call. I'm learning to lean in and be grateful my heart still works.

January 23 - Snow Day?

Seriously, what kind of "winter" is this rainy mess today? The gray damp penetrates to my bones, making me feel like one of my octogenarian patients instead of a thriving, vivacious Mama who still thinks she's cute in snow pants and a fluffy hat.
I'm glad we got to spend a little time outside this weekend, playing winter. Warren Dunes is my favorite sledding spot. Never mind that you have to bring your own thermos of hot chocolate and trudge uphill dragging your plastic ride. No lines, no fees (annual pass is $10 as part of my vehicle registration renewal), spectacular views, and infinite run possibilities. Whee!

This will always be real sledding to me. How are you celebrating the season?

January 9 - Character vs. Behavior

Although the last couple weeks have been a wonderful holiday celebration, with fun interspersed between lovely, restful periods, they have also been some of the most difficult in my life. Without going into details, suffice it to say it is an acute misery to watch my own character weaknesses played out in my children's choices.

I desperately wish for my kids to rise above their sinful natures, to succeed, to avoid potentially life-derailing pranks. Yet, so many mistakes are part of normal development and growth. Who hasn't "borrowed" money from mom without permission or snagged a pack of gum in the checkout line? Who doesn't tell the "funny work story" to paint himself as the smart one in the group? With competing values of self-interest in-the-now versus integrity, how do we guide kids through the ever-extending minefield in this global-instant-permanent age? How do we promote honesty and thoughtfulness but avoid training cunning and self-preservation from punishment?

These are the topics that our extended family has been wrestling with recently, made ever so much more fun by the complicated cast of players: mom, stepdad, dad, stepmom, grandpa, brothers and sister, stepbrother and stepsister. While the issues are probably a normal part of parenting, and I am blessed with cooperative participants, let me just say it's painfully obvious why divorce is really not God's plan for family.

Anyway, we will move forward, and continue to pray that as we all make mistakes they are more of the "Oops! Sorry!" type and less of the character-flaw-permanent-record variety. Any additional prayers are appreciated!

January 2012 - Ready, Set, Go!

Happy New Year! And Many More...