Something in me is broken. I am surrounded by good influences and growth opportunities, but my spirit and heart are balking at taking the next steps.I picked up Families Apart: Ten Keys to Successful Co-Parenting from the library, but can't make it past the first chapter without feeling nauseaous. Seriously, if Scott sing-songs "we'll always be family because of the fantastic kids we share" one more time I'm going to vomit! I also have Growing Through Divorce from Scott's sister. Whining a little: What if I don't want to grow anymore. I hurt. Everything I believed in, invested in, counted on in my family and future with Scott has been totally destroyed.
Even my close friend, whom I trusted, he who shared my bread (and bed), has lifted up his heel against me. Psalm 41:9.
Yuck. Maybe I don't want to be a better person for the good of everyone involved. Maybe I want to wallow a little.
This weekend's church service was a timely focus on betrayal. And forgiveness. Ugh! If I could just get what I know is best to override how I feel! This week I'll have to re-read my notes daily, and keep my eyes open to healing steps. Please pray for my family if you think of us.
He comes alongside us when we go through hard times... 2 Corinthians 1:4
2 comments:
Hey....you will not ever be able to accomplish the growth you are striving towards if you don't go through the grieving.
The important thing is that you want and are striving for the growth.
Don't be so hard on yourself when you have to take time to process a grief step along the way!
Hey Mel!
I have no idea what you are going through, but I can say that I am so sorry that you are having to walk this path right now. I am sure it totally sucks! Know that I am thinking about you and praying for you and also know that I love reading your blog and love how "real" you are. Thanks for shooting it straight!
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