September 28 - Seasons Change

I know the first official day of fall was last Monday, but I was still taken by surprise at all the changes outside today. I got to spend several hours this afternoon paddling around the lake-channel systems in Edwardsburg. The water is cool and still teeming with life, but the sunlight slants a little more and the leaves are flashing sunburnt red and gold hues.



Wow. Interesting to note how God paints seasonal change with its own unique beauty. This is easier to see in my own life as the pain lessens and I turn my feet in a new direction. Today I'm looking forward to many new seasons...

September 27 - Betrayal Continues

What's up with things you count on giving out? Disappointment and change are a part of life, I guess. The whole husband leaving me thing aside, what I'm upset about today is as trivial as coffee.

I LOVE coffee! Home-ground vanilla macadamia nut or vanilla spice with half and half are a little bit of heaven, but even cheap gas station refills perk up my mood. It's my substance of choice. It gives me energy and makes everything about life seem happier.

But apparently the message didn't get through to my insides. I've been drinking less lately, with the warm weather and trying to cut calories. This morning was a fantastic day to sit out on the deck and sip a mug full, watching the sun rise over the lake.

However, it just wasn't worth the pounding migraine and nausea. One less easy fix in life. Bummer.

Wild Woman Tribute - Ame

I first discovered Ame working in data entry at Memorial Home Care, when she sat in the desk behind me and could answer all my repetitive questions about which paper goes where. I have grown to love her as a close friend in the three years since then.

She has wild, spiky hair and fantastic fashion sense. She is absolutely loyal to what she cares about, with sharp criticism for what doesn't seem right to her. She is an organization and home improvement queen, with more skills than I could ever develop. She always has a project in the works and is known for her knitting and crafty flip-flops.

We share a love for Halloween and non-traditional adventures. Her family sets up the most elaborate display, complete with animated coffins and spewing monsters.

She is fun to be around and has a true heart. She takes care of me in many ways, and I am blessed to count her as a friend. Thanks Ame!

September 24 - Forgiveness

Something in me is broken. I am surrounded by good influences and growth opportunities, but my spirit and heart are balking at taking the next steps.

I picked up Families Apart: Ten Keys to Successful Co-Parenting from the library, but can't make it past the first chapter without feeling nauseaous. Seriously, if Scott sing-songs "we'll always be family because of the fantastic kids we share" one more time I'm going to vomit! I also have Growing Through Divorce from Scott's sister. Whining a little: What if I don't want to grow anymore. I hurt. Everything I believed in, invested in, counted on in my family and future with Scott has been totally destroyed.

Even my close friend, whom I trusted, he who shared my bread (and bed), has lifted up his heel against me. Psalm 41:9.

Yuck. Maybe I don't want to be a better person for the good of everyone involved. Maybe I want to wallow a little.

This weekend's church service was a timely focus on betrayal. And forgiveness. Ugh! If I could just get what I know is best to override how I feel! This week I'll have to re-read my notes daily, and keep my eyes open to healing steps. Please pray for my family if you think of us.

He comes alongside us when we go through hard times... 2 Corinthians 1:4

Audio Book Review - Book of Fate

I'm dedicating today's posts to my friend Dan, who is injured and requested more stuff to read and distract him while he's sitting around at home healing. You're welcome :).

This 10 cassette adventure, professionally narrated by Scott Brick, took me forever to get through. This is not completely the fault of the convoluted conspiracy-theory theme. It is also because my attention span has become unreliable since my personal life turned upside down.

Anyway, the story centers on presidential assassination attempts, codes and maps, religious-zealot killers and greed. Pretty standard political stuff. I liked the main character, who is an aide to the president and ends up solving the puzzle. I bet the story would be better without dragging it out over 2 1/2 months, so if you have better focus than me this might be good entertainment.

September 20 - The Floodwaters Recede

Last weekend we got more than 12 inches of rain in 48 hours. This was nothing compared to the hurricane down south, but it had a lot of people scrambling with buckets and wet vacs in the area. We were lucky. The drippy spot in the garage disappeared and nothing else in the house seems to leak.

However, the yard and lakefront may never be the same. I had to wade out in the torrential downpour twice to rescue the paddleboat from impending doom. These pictures are after the water has gone down 2 feet (I actually measured). I guess it will be time for a new dock next year anyway...

September 19 - Naomi's first week of school

Naomi started preschool at Edwardsburg Primary this week and did really well. It started late because of the flood last weekend, but she seems excited about new friends and recess. She gets to ride the bus with the boys in the morning, and we pick her up just before lunch Monday through Thursday. I'm excited that she gets to be involved in our great school system at the time that works best for my schedule. That was an answer to prayer!

Book Review - Stressed is Desserts Spelled Backwards

Subtitle: Rising Above Life’s Challenges with Humor, Hope, and Courage by Brian Luke Seaward, Ph.D.

Timely and valuable. I took notes through the whole thing. Broken up into bite-sized stories and great sections like faith, health, and humor, this book has gems for everyone. I would highly recommend it.

DVD Review - Weeds Season 3

Razor sharp and witty, the third season the Showtime cable dramedy based on upscale suburbia and drug dealing, has many twists and turns. Some of it seemed outlandish and unreal to me, like they were trying to exaggerate aspects of actual society to point out the absurdity we live in. I can appreciate that. This is not entertainment for the moral masses, but it is fiendishly well-written and the characters are fascinating. The first season is still my favorite.

September 13 - Blessings

I spent the first part of this morning dogding through rain to evaluate a couple patients in less-than-ideal living and health situations. One home, built into the side of a hill, was filling up with soggy carpet, cigarette smoke and fur from multiple kittens and dogs. I'll do what I can for these people, and be glad my home is relatively clean and dry.

Then I got to spend the day with my great friends Ame & Jeff. They babysat me all day to keep me distracted since the kids are with Scott for the next 4 days. I got to go tailgating at Notre Dame for the first time and realized how many fascinating people there are just in this area! (Notre Dame actually won = bonus for local business.)

When I finally returned home, I found a check in the mail. My generous co-workers at Memorial Home Care donated some of their earned time off to give me a boost with all the medical stuff going on. How awesome is that?! Thank you!!!

I am blessed.

September 11 - Some Anniversaries Suck

Today is the memorial day of our national terrorism tragedy. I am also reminded that exactly a year ago I had my double mastectomy, and my life started to forever change from what I had hoped and planned.

Today I held four different patients and listened to their stories while they cried. Each is in her own stage of recovery or dying. Each has a severe, life-altering illness. I watched the 9/11 anniversary news coverage over the shoulder of a 90 pound lady with lung cancer while she practiced her leg exercises. I rocked with a young woman who hasn't been out of bed in three months because of severe pain. I tried to connect a woman with lasting chemo effects with a support group, but all she feels is hopeless right now.

I know that feeling. Today is a hard day.

September 9 - Plastic Surgery Continues

I had another follow up with Dr. Shulman this morning. I have 2 random open areas, about the size of a pencil lead. One is in the middle of the left incision, and the other is on the right in the middle of virgin skin. Grr. My body hates "dissolvable" stitches! Good news anyway, we both think this will resolve on it's own.So it's back to massage and moisturization routines while the scar tissue matures. This feels really weird, because the nerve endings are all mixed up, half numb and half hypersensitive. I thought it would be easy enough to do to myself since I do scar massage on patients every day, but it feels too yucky. I have to hold my breath and squint my eyes, and I still only tolerate it for a few seconds. I tell patients 5 minutes twice a day. Ha! Maybe if it were on my knee...

I go back in six weeks for a follow up and decision on the next steps. I'm looking at another surgery to reconstruct nipple buds in about 2 months, or I have the option of shading tattoos instead. I will be polling (yes, visually and verbally) to see what others think would be most "normal". Dr. Shulman thinks we can wrap up the reconstruction this year, so everything falls under the same deductible. Good plan!

September 5 - Kid Quotes of the Day

Naomi: I'm inconsistent... and I'm bored.

Skyler: Naomi, we don't DO bored.

Skyler: Hush Naomi! It's Mommy's sleepy time.

Skyler: When can I be bapiterized? (And what does that mean again?)

Seth: Skyler, do you want to play with me?

Seth: Thank you for dinner Mommy.

Sometimes it's nice just to remember what a blessing it is to be a part of their fascinating lives.

September 4 - Allergy Season?

Blea-ack! It's affecting the entire household!

Seth missed his 2nd and 3rd days of school, home sick with a fever of 102 degrees. Now the fever's gone, but he has a sore throat.

Skyler has been battling asthma off and on, but it's horrible today! I had to give him 3 breathing treatments as soon as he got off the bus. He's still jittery from the Albuterol, but exhausted from lack of oxygen to his brain half the day.

Naomi just likes to say she's sick because it's popular, although she was the first one to have a small fever on Monday. I blamed Scott for partying with them all weekend.

My eye is all swollen and red again, and I haven't even been crying (much).

Even Nina, my 14 year old chihuahua, is hacking and itching. She's getting Benadryl and peanut butter twice a day, but is still leaving chunks of black fluff everywhere. Where does it end?

DVD Review - How to Cook Your Life

A documentary about renowned Zen practitioner and cook Edward Espe Brown, as he teaches culinary classes in Zen centers in Austria and California, revealing the role food plays in our bodies and spirits. Great tidbits of wisdom. He's quirky, but skilled in the kitchen. It wasn't riveting, but the visual food images were stunning (I love food), and I may have gleaned a few good quotes.

September 2 - School's in Session

Well, for the boys, anyway. Seth entered 4th grade, which is in the "bigger kid" Intermediate building, with "pods" and larger lunch portions. He's pretty excited about lunch, and said the rest of the day was passable. No homework yet, so we'll see how it goes.

Skyler started 1st grade at the Primary School. He already thinks his teacher, Mr. Cook, is smart and funny, which is the perfect icebreaker for Skyler. He's so wound up that he's still jiggling all over in his bed, creating war games with his hands, despite taking Benadryl over an hour ago. I think he may be my "night person".

A cool thing about Edwardsburg School System is that this year they are launching e-announcements. This means less paper, instant notice of school delays or closings, and overall improved communication and efficiency. I'm impressed if it actually works, especially compared to some other community school practices described by my friend Michelle. I'll keep my fingers crossed when it goes live next week.

And I think Naomi will start preschool in 2 weeks, but they haven't confirmed the times/days. That's more of our government efficiency at work... Sigh...