- When parents split, kids get bounced back and forth. We end up competing for time. We have to keep track of who gets which holiday day, and the schedule is a complicated matrix of hours and overnights and who-had-what last year.
- We compete for present pizazz. It ends of being a value comparison in my family. We value time together & experiences, but what kid doesn't want tons of stuff under the tree? Or the latest electronic wonderfulness (which I'm too cheap to buy)?
- We compete for family memories. We no longer share extended family, so all the shared family traditions like celebrating Grandma's birthday and haystacks for Christmas Eve dinner and family from out of town staying all week no longer apply. We try to develop new traditions to replace what seems to be missing. We hope it compensates for the loss.
Through all this, kids get to play the game of loving both families separately, alternating allegiances, when they really long for everyone to be together. I know, we're still in transition and learning in my family. This will seem less painful as the scabs become scars and continue to fade. I just wanted to go on record pointing out that broken families are just that. Broken. And even though people are resilient, and can adjust to lots of yucky situations, this wasn't God's design.
All that being said, we really did have a lovely Christmas celebration with the kids last Sunday. I'm very proud of their positive attitudes and smiles. Aren't they cute?
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