January 25 - Spiritual Gift Return Policy

Let me preface this post by acknowledging that I have zero theological scholarship credentials. I believe in God, I've been raised in and around religion, I've read the Bible (at least twice, haha). Beyond that, I claim no expertise.

Through decades of exposure and pressing in for spiritual growth, reading books and taking inventories, I have searched for God's purpose in my life. "Yes, Lord, but what do you want me to do?" I hoped somehow it would magically appear as a clear formula and tah-dah, productive spiritual life would begin.That hasn't exactly happened. Maybe you have the direct line to heaven, but I have to pray and think and process and read and discuss and take notes and pray some more, then finally take a baby step.

Anyway, through this process, I think I actually figured out my spiritual Gift. You know, that one thing you couldn't do without God, that may be out of your comfort zone, but definitely puts you in a position to further the Kingdom. Well, I think mine is empathy. And sometimes I'd really like to re-gift it. Particularly when I'm in a crowded church service, personally in a great space, and Can't. Stop. Crying. Because life is so hard, and people are so beautiful, and their journeys are so meaningful, and I feel it all around me moving. This is where my human self turns up her nose and rolls her eyes. This is where I'm certain the earthly me conflicts with who God has gifted me to be. And, boy, is that ever uncomfortable!

Why can't we pick our own gifts? I'd really like to be more charitable and discerning, for example. Or how cool would it be to have the gift of interpretation of tongues? Or spontaneously heal people?

Oh well. Despite my selfish leanings, I haven't figured out how to give this present back. So, if you ever need someone to cry with, to feel your pain, give me a call. I'm learning to lean in and be grateful my heart still works.