November 28 - Life Lessons

Todays Topic: Patience

Here's the story: I was running low on sleep due to travels and tire tragedies on the toll road the previous day. On Wednesday morning I was hoping to run out and see a couple patients while the kids were in school for a few hours before the Thanksgiving holiday started. Patient #1 expected me at 8AM.

Then we all overslept, the kids missed the bus, so it was rush, rush just to get everyone fed and sort-of matching. Shoes disappear, no one wants to wear a coat, someone can't find xyz. Aaargh!Finally get everyone in the car - I think - but I have to back out of the garage, go back in the house to close the door because the door opener isn't working. Frustrated, kids whining about seat belts, I cruised backwards... to the sound of fantastic crunching! I looked back and Skyler's passenger door was bent backwards almost ripped off the hinges. Oh. My.

It took about 5 minutes of maneuvering to get the car out of the garage because the door wouldn't close and the cabinet I hit was in shards all over. I drove about 20mph with Skyler holding the door at a 45 degree angle to drop them at school, then nursed the car over to the mechanic.

I think I provide entertainment value for Peterson European Automotive. After 20 minutes of banging, both passenger doors are mostly functional, and they didn't even charge me. I nearly burst into tears and hugged the mechanic. He didn't charge me because "you're in here often enough anyway." Is that a blessing or a joke?

After that, the day was back on track. One of my cheaper lessons I guess. In my frame of mind, it could easily have been Skyler's arm that got ripped off and not just the steel Volvo door. Wow. I am so thankful God is still teaching me lessons. Feel free to remind me.

November 26 - Vacation?

This is what I wrote on Saturday:

This weekend I got to spend Early Thanksgiving out in southern California with my mom & sister and lots of family. I've always considered this area "my roots" since my parents were raised here and it's been a vacation destination all my life. Fantastic food, gorgeous weather, great conversation. Why don’t I live out here again? Seriously considering a change of scenery…

This is how I feel today:

I am SO GLAD to be home!!! Sparing everyone the emotional roller coaster of the last 7 days, suffice it to say that while California now holds all my family, as well as many phenomenal natural attractions, I really like Michigan. I want to raise my children where I feel at home. I get to surround my little foursome with an extended family of incredible friends. Isn't that great?!

November 24 - Applesauce Adventures

An annual event since my childhood has been canning applesauce from scratch. Now that I'm the "grown-up in charge", it has become a kind of adventure that the kids actually request for months in advance. Which is pretty cool.

First we go to the farmer’s market and pick out a bushel each of golden and red apples. After they mellow for a few weeks, becoming soft and sweet, the process begins. The kids’ favorite is running the applesauce mill handed down from my parents. Scooping steaming apple quarters into the machine, squashing them through and turning the crank is sloppy and sticky and always fun. They were pretty good at taking turns this year, but the negotiations were fierce and Seth is the master at getting what he really wants.

Some fun facts:

- 2 bushels of fresh apples makes about 10 quarts of applesauce

- It takes about 4 hours

- Apples oxidize quickly, turning brown then black, so timing is important

- The fingers and nails on my right hand are still stained black a week later

I’m glad to be following through some traditions passed on by my parents and cherish that my children enjoy the experience and flavor of something homemade with love. I hope they remember the value of time together creating memories and food.

November 22 - Digital Limits

I'm on vacation in southern California with my family and having a fantastic time. Escape to Cali has always meant sunshine, games and hikes and great food. My extended family is based here, so I've been vacationing this direction my whole life. I'm staying at my mom and step-dad's condo in Borrego Springs for a couple days, and my sister and aunts are also visiting.

I was hoping to spend some time catching up on my writing and blogs since real life at home has made spare time scarce in the last month. However, my mother is living in the dark ages, and I'm lucky to have a dial-up connection to the internet, which I'm only allowed to use for an hour today. No photo link capability, no email access and tortoise speed. Ugh!

Guess I'll have to get back to the quality conversation time and enjoying nature, but I'm going through withdrawals!

November 21 - Checked Off

Went back to see Dr. Shulman for a checkup on Tuesday and realized I’ve been making that drive to the hospital every week or two for almost a year an a half! (Doris, the parking attendant, & I are on good terms.) As annoying as it has been to fit that into my schedule and deal with health and body-image issues, I liked the security of knowing my doctor was there for me. I still feel like she is rushing the tattoo process so she can “check me off” before she moves to Florida next month.

Unfortunately, her business partner is not someone I am happy to transition care to either, so I will have to look elsewhere (and probably out of network) for any further procedures.
Nipple reconstruction surgery may be an option down the road as the scar tissue loosens up and I get older and saggier. I hear it’s also common to need ink re-applied or surgical lifts done.
The tattoos are healing nicely, but the color didn’t take completely, so I’m scheduled for follow up shading and conturing December 10. With mixed feelings, I guess I’m hoping that will be the last trip I have to make through the parking garage to the 5th floor office that has changed my body shape (mostly for the better!) forever.

November 19 - Early SNOW!

Wow! Good thing I love snowy winter, because it's early this year!

Why snow is cool and not just cold:

- it makes the world brighter as it reflects light, lifting my spirits and lowering energy bills

- it covers the yucky brown dead stuff

- it's fun to pack, toss and make designs in

- it makes great slushies with 100% grape juice (I know it's not sanitary, but figure my odds are ok since it only happens a few times a year.)

- it's a great excuse to snuggle in a blanket with hot cocoa

- it inspires my kids to play outside again... sledding anyone?

November 15 - Naomi Is A Treasure

Naomi: Boys are strong and girls are weak, even though they’re beautiful. (gotta work on strong woman concept apparently.)

A girlfriend over to play (Natalie): I'm BORED!

Naomi: We don't DO bored. My daddy said.

(Yes! The teaching is working.)

Naomi: I will always be your baby, even when I'm a grandma, and you will always be my sweetie mommy. (Awwww! I'm melting...)

DVD Review - The Diving Bell & the Butterfly

I've had this DVD from Netflix since mid-September, and while I thought it sounded interesting and came highly recommended, I was worried it would be depressing. I have enough depressing in real life and don't need more as entertainment. However, last night I took the time with a friend to give it a try. Wow.

This adapted autobiography of Jean-Dominique Bauby, author and Elle magazine editor, was stunning. In 1995, he suffered a stroke that put him in a coma, and he awoke mute and completely paralyzed except for one eye. Through extensive rehab he developed a tedious communication method of blinking and dictated this moving story as he re-evaluated his life, his loved ones and his outlook on the future. The perspective starts completely internally and broadens throughout the film; visually and emotionally poignant. Highly recommended.

November 11 - Skin Healing

Turns out the orangy pancake-makeup stuff was dead skin. It's pretty much all peeled off now, which means the tats are paler and blend right in to the fading yellow bruises.

Feedback so far has been very positive, except for Seth, who wants to know why I didn't go with something more creative like yellow smiley faces.

My favorite comment was when someone looked at a picture and said it made him want to reach out and tweak something. Odd what one finds flattering, huh?

November 8 - Tattoo Follow Up

The whiny stuff:
- prickly hurt for a couple days
- bled through the dressings that have to be changed daily
- I'm still traumatized from last time I had to do the regular goop and gauze routine
- looking down, the right side looks bigger than the left
- the color is really weird, like someone put on orangy pancake makeup

The "this might end up ok" stuff:
- my chest doesn't seem to be uncomfortable this morning
- the bleeding finally stopped
- just looked at the photos taken during the process and the symmetry and color actually look ok (my perspective must be a little off)

My aunt, who had breast cancer in her 30s and is a psychologist, says I am still grieving the loss of a body part that was essential to my femininity. Now that the serious stuff is over, I feel more melancholy than a year ago when I was in the thick of it all. I'm thankful to be alive and healthy. I am still sad and depressed sometimes. Hmmm... I wonder if sharing my new "normal" body appearance with a bunch of affirming friends would be helpful... ;)

November 5 - I Got Tattoos!

Once again: WARNING! Graphic content (sorry Tree)

Today was the day for the next step. For anyone who has a tattoo, you know the details, but since I've never really even wanted one, I will describe my experience. And no, this is not the design I went with, but I think it's pretty cool and way better than the prosthetics from my previous nipple post. Dr. Shulman said maybe as a second step...

Anyway, here's how it works: the doctor started with loosening up the scar by pinching it, then sketched on the skin with her infamous purple marker. She likes to eyeball it first, then measures - I think distance from my collar bone to the center of the breast (or scar in my case). Then she traced around the clear plastic tattoo color holder thingy because she said it was a pretty good average size circle for an aerola. Oooo-K.

Next: 15-20 tiny injections of local lidocaine into each breast, kind of like being attacked by a swarm of bumblebees who occasionally hit a nerve you can feel all the way into your armpit. I was wishing I had someone's hand to squeeze, but the doctors hands were kind of busy.

Finally: down to business. I couldn't look down and watch, so I have no idea what actually happened. She kept dipping the tattoo gun into different thimbles of color and basically drawing fake nipples on me. It mostly just felt like pressure and I could feel her artistic touch as she worked on the shading. Then she slapped on some antibiotic ointment, covered them with giant bandaids and said "See ya in two weeks!".

She actually was really chatty and fun this time around. She spent the full 45 minutes selling me on the idea of moving to California (where all my family is now) and going to medical school (which I've always wanted to do). She was pretty convincing... stay tuned.

November 3 - Birthday Lessons

In two days my son will turn 6! We celebrated early this weekend with a bowling party since Scott was in town. While I don't love shelling out cash for a "theme party", the peace of having everything handled from invitations to food and clean-up is probably worth it. The facility was nice and we had our own party assistant for 2 hours. I think adults and kids alike had a good time together.

Skyler scored bigtime with birthday money and gifts, which is a big deal when you're a kid of course. However, his attitude really warmed my heart. As soon as his older brother started listing off the expensive things Skyler could buy, he said "Stupid people spend their money as soon as they get it" (from Proverbs!) and handed it over to me for safe keeping. How cool is that?! I'm so proud!

November 2 - Halloween Memories

You know how people tell you the first holidays in your new family situation (i.e. widowed, divorced, re-married) are tough? They weren't kidding. Why, oh why do I set myself up with such high expectations?!

Halloween is my favorite holiday because I love the cool weather and baking and candy and pumpkins and snuggling and fall colors and friendly neighbors and of course costumes. After years of Christmas not quite hitting the mark, Halloween has become a BIG DEAL to me. So I had a packed agenda Friday, half of which didn't happen, causing me to spend 1/2 an hour curled up in the fetal position bawling on my bed. Not productive, but did relieve some stress and make my eyes look appropriately scary for trick-or-treating later.

After some arguing and stomping around (kids and me), and having to call Scott in for backup, the kids agreed to go trick-or-treating and visit my friend Ame's amazing party with me. The weather was stunning, the neighborhood was friendly and I think once we started everyone had a good time.

Next year will be even better. I will (1) have costumes completed ahead of time, (2) not bake on Halloween, (3) schedule only ONE fun family thing to do and spend the rest of the time grinning and screeching happy "BOO!"s at people.

Hope everyone else's holiday was amazing!