March 30 - Fix 'er up 'er

Went to Dr. Shulman's Thursday for the typical fill up. She did a full injection (60 mL) on the left and just a little on the right. I think the left expander is finally unfolding, so I don't have that sharp edge poking through the lateral pectoral muscle border anymore. The scar tissue spots in the middle are a little wider - but then so is my whole chest.

I played with a silicone implant while I was waiting for the doctor. Feels squishy like those splippery-slide tubes with plastic animals and glitter inside, with softer edges. So that's good. However, I notice that they sit pretty flat and round, like a stack of silver-dollar pancakes. My massage therapist notes she's not real pleased with "the profile" of silicone because bras aren't made flat and wide. I will be taking this up with Dr. Shulman in the future. Maybe I can get new improved models.

I also asked about doing some extra work while I'm out for the next surgery. Without going into details, I think I could be "a whole new me" for a mere $10,000. OK, maybe $12,000 - I'm kind of furry.

Actually, the main rebuilding could be done with minimal extra expense and disruption to my work schedule. Any great $$ making ideas besides work more and spend less?

I'm still considering it...

March 25 - Sickness Blues

Three kids with stomach flu

Ew! Ew! Ew!

Up half the night

Boo Hoo Hoo

Scott's out of town

What'll I do?

Skip to my Lou

My Darling.

March 22 - Academy Awards

While I don't want this to sound cheesy, I've just felt very greatful for all the continuing love and support of those around me. This is my only forum for publically thanking everyone, so I thought I'd take a moment to do so.

My work colleagues continue to be amazing, and I've really enjoyed getting to know some of them on a more personal level. This probably means they get more info than they bargained for.

My wise and witty friends Arin, Jami, Ame and Lara get special kudos this time around for sending comments on my blog. Sometimes it's just nice to know someone is listening, but it's especially cool if they get my sense of humor.

March 20 - Number crunching

Time for another fill-up today at Dr. Shulman's. It's no big deal, and only takes a few minutes, but is kind of inconvenient in the middle of my work schedule. Especially since my patients are all on the East side these days.


Anyway, thought I should know how much longer this has to continue. Dr. Shulman has a maternity leave coming up, and I like to get a sense of the schedule. Here's the math (if I understood correctly...)


I have 550 mL capacity. The left is currently at 310 and the right at 390. So at 30 mL/wk, we're looking at 8 to 5.3333333 more visits respectively. Unless she decides to up the dose. Which she's considering "since the tissue is staying so soft and mobile". (Feels like heavy sandbags to me, but whatever.) Next visit may be 60 mL on the left and 30-40 on the right. (EEK! What about stretch marks?)



Which brings them up to about Pi x r squared... right? What's that showtune? "June is bust-ing out all o-over."

March 19 - Warning

The other day Scott and I were dropping Skyler off at school, when a well-endowed mom bounced by in a tight sweater tottering on skinny high-heels. After a beat or two, Scott asked, "Do you think her milkshake brings all the boys to the yard?"

Yeah, you couldn't help but look.

But I take special license to check out nature's offerings anyway. After all, I am still shopping around. I don't think I'm perverted or anything, just interested. So consider yourselves warned.

March 17 - Thoughts

I've had some interesting breast cancer related experiences in the last week:

I've noticed that anyone who's been through breast cancer is pretty open about flashing scars. I sat in an office with an acquaintance last week, and she promptly lifted her shirt to illustrate her recovery story. She described the beautiful tan one breast got from 30+ radiation treatments. I felt a little embarrassed, but I bet I'm the same way. My chest is no longer intimate territory; it's lumpy bags with hard edges and deep v-neck scars. I'll point out the oddities to anyone.

I have two post-mastectomy patients who have really different scars from me. They're both over 60 and declined reconstruction. One lady had her surgery years ago, and I'm seeing her for recovery from knee surgery. The other one had her surgery last summer along with a lung resection. She is continuing to have lots of pain, limited arm motion tolerance and is getting home care after her 2nd hospitalization for pneumonia in 2 months. They both have a horizontal line at about the 7th rib and a funny pouch under their arm pits. Neither one received any education about scar mobilization, range of motion, or nerve injury and recovery. I think surgeons might be focusing on "cut-and-survive" while missing out on treating the whole person who has a life to get back to.

Speaking of which, I have two kids who are requesting home-made cookies for a snack. I'd better get back to my life.

March 15 - Thursday

Well, I was feeling depressed about life in general - it is March in the Midwest after all - then I read the comments on my last post. Now I can't stop giggling. Must be girly hormones. I am definitely going to throw more pretend parties!

Anyway, Thursday was a busy day. I had a staff meeting at work where they talked about goals and green and other things I'm sure I already knew. No big deal - I get paid hourly - but it makes my whole day go longer.

Then I had to rush over to the hospital to see the plastic surgeon. I measured my scars to see if getting injected with saline like a chicken-breast-bound-for-Martins is increasing the scar size. So far so good. Dr. Shulman said she may leave some of the scar in place because it's such a good nipply color already. (Too much info?) Getting the shots stung this time.

After a full day, I thought I'd take the kids out for a little fresh air. We went for a long walk. About a mile away from the house, Skyler thought he needed more exercise, so as we headed for home he started to run. He ran and ran and ran, despite my calling, yelling and pleading. Naomi thought her legs were falling off, and I had the arthritic chihuahua too. So, carrying the girls, I ran-walked as fast as I could trailing Skyler. By the time I caught up with him two houses down from ours, four neighborhood cars and a police officer were stopped with him.

Mother of the Year!

Scared, mortified and pissed off, I sent Skyler straight to bed. Thurday was not the best day.

March 11 - Cancer and cash

Illness is expensive. This is a long thought that I won't take the time to unpack at the moment. However, I thought I'd mention is because I wish I felt confident enough about our personal finances to fork out the $70 for the upcoming Memorial Cancer Center Fundraiser.

Seems like a wonderful cause. Of course it's an art and jazz and hors d'oeuvres thing. And I don't like jazz. Or many hors. And I'm not great at social mingling.

But in my head the "cool me" is fantastic at this stuff. The "cool me" with more discretionary income and a party dress. Any imaginary friends want to go with me?

March 8 - Caregiving

I went to a seminar for work this week called "Finding Support in Your Caregiving" sponsored by the recently formed Gerontology Consortium of Michiana. Here are my take-aways:

• There are community resources you know not of... but they're all under-funded and in need of volunteers.
• You have to take care of yourself first to be a good caregiver for others. Here are Dr. Robert Riley's suggestions for finding this balance personally: (1) Take time off from caregiving, (2) Experience things that make you say "wow", (3) Keep physically fit, (4) Stimulate your brain/continual learning, (5) Find a creative activity you enjoy (art, music, writing, dance), (6) Find a little quiet time, (7) Find meaning in your caregiving - repeatedly remind yourself why you do what you do.

While the seminar was targeting caregivers for chronically ill and elderly, I think we're all caregivers in some capacity. Sometimes taking care of three kids feels as hard as supervising a grandmother with dementia. We could all benefit from being conscientious about recharging our batteries. It will only add value to those around us.

I think I'll go play a little Dance Dance Revoluntion...

March 5 -Odd silhouette

Went to the plastic surgeon yesterday, and after squeezing and pinching all around my chest, she said, "it's getting close - starting to thicken." So, in typical Mel fashion, I suggested she start with a half-fill (30 cc's) trial - you know, since I was there anyway.

"Um, ok," she replied and got out the needles and betadine. Pumping up the volume resumes!

Now I'm concerned about how unnatural this will end up looking. Round, flat blobs stuck on my front. Stiff, ageless balloons.

Non-aging tits have the disadvantage of not matching the rest of me, which already feels jiggly or saggy at 33 (see illustration). Oh well. Like it or not, I'll keep you posted.

February 29 - Busy week

I was so busy at work this week, I had to re-schedule my last free massage. Tracy's next available slot is mid-March. Oh well...

Maybe Dr. Shulman will re-start the filling process next Tuesday. Then I'll have lots of bumps for Tracy to work on.