Life Happens

January 25 - Spiritual Gift Return Policy

2012-01-23T15:41:00.005-05:00

Let me preface this post by acknowledging that I have zero theological scholarship credentials. I believe in God, I've been raised in and around religion, I've read the Bible (at least twice, haha). Beyond that, I claim no expertise.

Through decades of exposure and pressing in for spiritual growth, reading books and taking inventories, I have searched for God's purpose in my life. "Yes, Lord, but what do you want me to do?" I hoped somehow it would magically appear as a clear formula and tah-dah, productive spiritual life would begin.That hasn't exactly happened. Maybe you have the direct line to heaven, but I have to pray and think and process and read and discuss and take notes and pray some more, then finally take a baby step.

Anyway, through this process, I think I actually figured out my spiritual Gift. You know, that one thing you couldn't do without God, that may be out of your comfort zone, but definitely puts you in a position to further the Kingdom. Well, I think mine is empathy. And sometimes I'd really like to re-gift it. Particularly when I'm in a crowded church service, personally in a great space, and Can't. Stop. Crying. Because life is so hard, and people are so beautiful, and their journeys are so meaningful, and I feel it all around me moving. This is where my human self turns up her nose and rolls her eyes. This is where I'm certain the earthly me conflicts with who God has gifted me to be. And, boy, is that ever uncomfortable!

Why can't we pick our own gifts? I'd really like to be more charitable and discerning, for example. Or how cool would it be to have the gift of interpretation of tongues? Or spontaneously heal people?

Oh well. Despite my selfish leanings, I haven't figured out how to give this present back. So, if you ever need someone to cry with, to feel your pain, give me a call. I'm learning to lean in and be grateful my heart still works.

January 23 - Snow Day?

2012-01-23T10:13:00.007-05:00

Seriously, what kind of "winter" is this rainy mess today? The gray damp penetrates to my bones, making me feel like one of my octogenarian patients instead of a thriving, vivacious Mama who still thinks she's cute in snow pants and a fluffy hat.
I'm glad we got to spend a little time outside this weekend, playing winter. Warren Dunes is my favorite sledding spot. Never mind that you have to bring your own thermos of hot chocolate and trudge uphill dragging your plastic ride. No lines, no fees (annual pass is $10 as part of my vehicle registration renewal), spectacular views, and infinite run possibilities. Whee!

This will always be real sledding to me. How are you celebrating the season?

January 9 - Character vs. Behavior

2012-01-09T10:05:00.004-05:00

Although the last couple weeks have been a wonderful holiday celebration, with fun interspersed between lovely, restful periods, they have also been some of the most difficult in my life. Without going into details, suffice it to say it is an acute misery to watch my own character weaknesses played out in my children's choices.

I desperately wish for my kids to rise above their sinful natures, to succeed, to avoid potentially life-derailing pranks. Yet, so many mistakes are part of normal development and growth. Who hasn't "borrowed" money from mom without permission or snagged a pack of gum in the checkout line? Who doesn't tell the "funny work story" to paint himself as the smart one in the group? With competing values of self-interest in-the-now versus integrity, how do we guide kids through the ever-extending minefield in this global-instant-permanent age? How do we promote honesty and thoughtfulness but avoid training cunning and self-preservation from punishment?

These are the topics that our extended family has been wrestling with recently, made ever so much more fun by the complicated cast of players: mom, stepdad, dad, stepmom, grandpa, brothers and sister, stepbrother and stepsister. While the issues are probably a normal part of parenting, and I am blessed with cooperative participants, let me just say it's painfully obvious why divorce is really not God's plan for family.

Anyway, we will move forward, and continue to pray that as we all make mistakes they are more of the "Oops! Sorry!" type and less of the character-flaw-permanent-record variety. Any additional prayers are appreciated!

January 2012 - Ready, Set, Go!

2012-01-09T10:03:00.002-05:00

Happy New Year! And Many More...

December 25 - Merry Christmas to All

2011-12-25T19:48:00.003-05:00

Enjoyed a lovely day at home with Dale, all the kids, and my dad. We are so blessed!

May your season be just as full of joy and laughter and love!

December 19 - Still Ranting

2011-12-19T20:55:00.004-05:00

Maybe next week, after the fact, I'll post adorable pictures of all the beautiful Christmas memories made in the Shafer-Johnson household this year. I'm sure by then I'll be able to manufacture something.

In the mean time, today's pissy-ness is focused on all the crafty and delicious gifts that you, too can create at home. I have some very talented friends and acquaintances who make a life, even a living, out of charming ideas. This, however, puts me in the awkward, sticky spot between admiration and defensiveness. Of course, we should all be able to whip up batches of fluffy things to bestow upon every cherished person who crosses our path this holiday season, right? You know, in your spare time.

Why-oh-why can't I even pull off dinner on a regular basis for the 5 people who actually live with me?! Pretty sure that I'd have to give up all personal growth and professional development, household cleaning, and possibly bedtime stories for the kids in order to accomplish all the holiday stuff I dream of doing. Who doesn't want to create her own gingerbread with doily patterns and pass out homemade canned chicken stew to the neighbors.

By the way, do you know how much the ingredients and tools cost to create all this homemade goodness? I figure I'm paying about 3x the cost of store bought applesauce - don't tell my husband - and that doesn't even include the 10+ hrs of labor involved!

So, phooey on you Better Homes & Gardens-Betty Crocker-Martha Stewart types. My Prevention Plan for healthy living just emailed to tell me to manage holiday stress by 1)taking more me-time & 2)lowering expectations. Guilt be damned. So there.
(Yeah, I don't really believe me either...)

December 5 - Why I Hate Christmas

2011-12-05T17:00:00.004-05:00

Ok, "hate" may be a bit of an exaggeration. My disdain is certainly not directly aimed at Jesus' birthday, or even jolly old St. Nick. It's more of an expectation vs. reality problem.

Today's rant will focus on charity-itis. You know that irritated sensation of being dried up and stretched too thin, then breaking out in a rash of guilt? Can't seem to shake it this season.

I am being solicited by easily 10 people or organizations a day, not counting my adorable, present-mongering children. (Or the pathetic roadside "I have 5 kids & no job" sign beggars. Don't get me started on that uncomfortable topic.) They're generally worthy or interesting causes. Here's a selection from the past 3 days, in no particular order:

- Potawatomi Zoo

- Impact Campus Ministries

- Andrews University Music Program

- Edwardsburg Food Pantry

- Aerial Photography Association

- Toys for Tots

- Center for the Homeless

- Granger Community Church "Let It Be Christmas" Program

- St. Jude's Children's Hospital

- JC Penny Afterschool Fund

- The Salvation Army

- The Lion's Club

- United Way Adopt-A-Family

- St. Vincent de Paul Society

- Snowflakes for Seniors

- United Health Services

- Care International

All fabulous, right? Now what? I feel like I'm dealing with a crowd of demanding kids. I have to put on my stern no-&-I-mean-it face and start proving my selfishness to the world. No, I do not have spare change for you, perky bell ringer. No, I will not write a little check right now and change a child's life. No, I don't think anyone wants my 2 year old canned green beans. No, no, no! (Guilt, remorse, guilt!)

So, any good strategies out there for navigating the Holiday Season of Giving?! I think my limbs are going to start getting green and furry like a certain Seussical Christmas hater soon!

October 19 - Some Stats

2011-10-19T15:24:00.004-04:00

Because I'm on a role, and someone asked me the other day why we make such a big deal about breast cancer:

About 1 in 8 women in the United States (12%) will develop invasive breast cancer over the course of her lifetime.
In 2010, an estimated 207,090 new cases of invasive breast cancer were expected to be diagnosed in women in the U.S., along with 54,010 new cases of non-invasive (in situ) breast cancer.
About 1,970 new cases of invasive breast cancer were expected to be diagnosed in men in 2010. Less than 1% of all new breast cancer cases occur in men.
About 39,840 women in the U.S. were expected to die in 2010 from breast cancer, though death rates have been decreasing since 1990. These decreases are thought to be the result of treatment advances, earlier detection through screening, and increased awareness.
Besides skin cancer, breast cancer is the most commonly diagnosed cancer among U.S. women. More than 1 in 4 cancers in women (about 28%) are breast cancer.
In 2010, there were more than 2.5 million breast cancer survivors in the U.S.
About 70-80% of breast cancers occur in women who have no family history of breast cancer. These occur due to genetic abnormalities that happen as a result of the aging process and life in general, rather than inherited mutations.

Add a vociferous advocacy group, a signature fun color (PINK!), and a TON of fundraising = progress toward a cure! Cancer is NOT sexy, but healthy breasts are, so it's a pretty easy sell.

October 12 - More Cancer Stuff (& why I'm a bad wife)

2011-10-19T14:29:00.007-04:00

Last Thursday, my charming husband and I attended the Breast Cancer Survivors' Luncheon in Mishawaka, sponsored by Susan G. Komen for the Cure of Northern Indiana. There's still something weird about sitting in a room packed full of white haired or bald older ladies eating dry chicken and cheering each other on for just being alive. I mean it's cool, but kinda uncomfortable too.

My favorite part was listening to the keynote speaker, D r. Sharon Stack, from the Mike and Josie Harper Cancer Research Institute. She is a professor at Notre Dame and the Science Director at the newly formed Cancer Research Institute, a collaboration between Notre Dame and Indiana University on the latest cancer studies. Her description of the scientific process and some of the work in progress was intriguing and hopeful.

Prize drawings and promotions rounded out the dinner, but I had to leave early to return to work. A few minutes after leaving, Dale texted me to say I won the centerpiece mums. Yippee! I rarely win anything, so I got all excited. Then I read the full text: and he gave them away. Instant selfish grumpiness. I didn't respond.

When he got home, he asked if I got the text and wasn't that cool of him. I turned all sarcastic and bitter. "Oh sure. It's not as if I like flowers or anything. Especially perennial ones that are perfect this time of year." About an hour later, I ran upstairs to put kids to bed and found this waiting in our bathroom:
I am a horrible person. Dale just grinned.

I am a self-centered survivor who is lucky enough to be alive and married to a kind, generous, thoughtful man. That is worth celebrating!

October - Breast Cancer Awareness

2011-10-04T21:14:00.006-04:00

It's October already! (My favorite time of year, having nothing to do with pink.) In honor of what started this blog in the first place about 4 years ago, I thought I should mention National Breast Cancer Awareness month.

I'm quietly passionate about this cause. I suppose this is understandable since I've walked a bit of the road, but now it's more about what I see in others. I freakin' HATE cancer! I have two patients right now that should be living lovely, productive lives but are completely bowled over by the daily ravages of this wretched, metastatic disease. I ache for them and their families and soooo wish the disease had been caught sooner.

So. Self-checks are not a joke, no matter how many guys-who-think-they're-hilarious wear suggestive t-shirts. And self-checks for men matter too, 'cause I personally know two males in this area who have been diagnosed in the last year.

Beyond self-care, here's something everyone can do to easily support the cause: click on the Breast Cancer Site link to fund mammograms for others. Each day you can click the box. I'm a facebook fan, so when I see the name come up on my news feed, two clicks completes the job.

Here's to hoping this note finds you all happy & healthy, but willing to check - just in case. Find out more details here.

September 19 - Favorite Author?

2011-09-18T09:04:00.006-04:00

"Life's too short to read the same book twice."

I mean really, with so many intriguing, inspiring options out there, why would anyone want to stagnate on repeat and rewind. (Except the Bible, of course. That book tells me more every single time I pick it up! Guess "the living Word of God" thing is pretty literal.) Anyway, that's my operating principle, until the day I discovered some stories become instant favorites that feel like coming home. You know those stories you melt into, becoming a different character in every scene? Those stories that draw you in, that you read fast-slow because you can't wait till the conclusion but you never want to end?

For me, this happened about 6 months ago when I was introduced to Christopher Moore. I accidentally started at the end of a trilogy with an audiobook called Bite Me. Charming, hunh? I haven't been able to stop devouring his stuff ever since! Somehow it's just the right amount of sarcasm, science, faith, geography, sex - and sooo funny! Fortunately for me, he has 12 novels out so far, and more in the works. While wit is a consistent theme, I have yet to feel bogged down by formulaic storyline.

Disclaimer: while well-researched and smart, these are probably not for higher-plain, snobby types. Not quite chick-lit, they still follow a characters-based story-line and include things like accidental vampires and Jesus' childhood buddy.

So I still have trouble saying I have only one favorite, not wanting to commit when I enjoy whatever is coming up next. However, this is one author that definitely makes my top 10 list!

September 18 - Back to School

2011-09-18T08:30:00.006-04:00

It's that time of year again. Backpacks are stocked, alarm clocks ready, mornings chilly. Tuesday after Labor Day, thanks to our governor extending the Michigan tourist season by mandating a later school start. September 6th, the buses hit the road.

We're 2 weeks into a new school year with a 7th grader, two 4th graders (Paige & Skyler are in different schools but the same grade), & a 2nd grader. The academic seriousness has definitely ramped up a notch, but the great news is that the kids appear ready & excited about it.

See, doesn't he look absolutely thrilled?

Anyway, we're off to a good start. Two open houses done, one to go. I'm already volunteering in a classroom, since Naomi has the same teacher Skyler had for the past two years, and we kinda have a routine.We're in the early stages, in which the kids don't want to be late & are still trying to impress teachers with their homework skills. Planners are up to date, without yelling. Ah, I cherish the honeymoon phase.

September 8 - Blogworld complaints

2011-09-08T21:25:00.003-04:00

I am beginning to truly despise this blogging interface. I haven't had nearly the mental margin I hoped for in composing insightful, life-influencing thoughts on this space. Especially since I spend summers either totally focused on kids, or depressed that they're gone and unable to do anything productive. Then, as I attempt to re-engage, having to spend 15 minutes on dumb spacing issues & font weirdness is absolutely unacceptable.

Must. Migrate. Now.
You know. In my spare time. (sigh)

I've heard good things from Wordpress users, although no one's offered to magically set it up for me. Maybe blogging is all 2009 now. Have we moved on? Are we all focused on pithy 140 character statements and e-books, with no need for the short, personal-journal style any more?

Too bad. I miss this forum, even if it is pretty much for my own thought development. Maybe I'll have time to figure it out now that the kids have moved back home and school has started.

September 6 - Scouts: a Pre/Review

2011-09-08T21:04:00.006-04:00

It's a stormy Tuesday evening, and once again I'm yelling at Skyler. "Where is your uniform shirt? What do you mean you can't find your neck kerchief thingy?! You have to wear the belt! You cannot possibly wear those jeans with the giant hole in the knee!! We're going to be late!!"

Ah, that's just one of the joys of Cub Scouts. Here's the deal, we started late in the academic world, since most boys start in Kindergarten or 1st grade, but Skyler never showed any interest until last year. Therefore, we're already behind in the achievement options and adapting to Scout culture. We thought it would be fabulous for him, since organized sports were never a big deal and so few mentoring men options exist for boys. Plus he gets to use knives and bows and arrows, but with the stipulation of self-control and responsibility.

So again, the organizational idea = marvelous. What's maybe less-than-marvelous is the, um, actual organization with events. Because we're late to the party, I don't feel like we quite fit into the club. I am grateful that other adults have committed to walking the boys through maturing steps and setting up events. I understand in my head that they're offering their free time to do these things, and I certainly don't want to do all that every week. Somehow, though, I still end up bored and frustrated with the lacksadaisical agenda that seems to permeate everything.

Ah, good times. When we signed Skyler up for Cub Scouts at the beginning of September 2010, a lot of hurry up and wait is not exactly what I pictured. Now it's 2011, a new school year, and we're gearing up for another season. After the sweaty fun of summer camp, he's still interested in giving it a try.

So if you hear yelling on Tuesday nights... well, it's probably me.

August 28 - Going Public

2011-09-04T20:53:00.006-04:00

Today was an A-Maze-Ing day! Today my oldest son, Seth, chose to demonstrate his faith in Jesus by being baptized. My husband, Dale, wrote a great post about it!

Now there are lots of skeptical opinions out there, about whether baptism is necessary, and how sinful the baptized remain, and the meaningless-ness of this step. But as a sinner myself, I take joy and comfort in the words of our pastor, Mark Beeson:

If you're trusting Christ with your life, if you've shown interest, enthusiasm and passion to follow him, God will teach you the rest. He has invited you to follow him, to "remain in him."

You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. -John 15:3

Seth is 12, and decided about 8 months ago that he was ready. He has never waivered in this decision, even though I made him take notes in church, go to extra classes, and quizzed him about "what he learned". I admit he doesn't always get the whole picture, but really, who but God does?! He is maturing practically overnight, and I am so blessed to love and teach him on this journey.

Congratulations, Seth! We are all proud of you!

July-ish

2011-08-21T18:41:00.007-04:00

My dad moved here from Delaware. (Yay!) The kids were with their dad a lot. (Growl.) I worked overtime between 2 jobs. (Sigh.) But between all the busy-ness and weird scheduling, we managed to squeeze in some great stuff!

Zoo trips

Art Fair on the Bluff - St. Joseph, Michigan

Silver Leaf Renaissance Faire Fabulousness - a family favorite!

Blueberry picking at the Blueberry Ranch in Granger - 8th year tradition

Wine tours - Southwestern Michigan has some fantastic offerings!

What a marvelous summer! We are so blessed!

June - ish

2011-07-17T10:07:00.011-04:00

Wow. I've missed this space! I guess a few things have happened since May...

Sunburst Race 5K Champions! (in my mind)

Jasper & I were attacked walking up our street. (Aww)

Field days, school projects, summer break!, camp fires & friends...

Beach Days (this one with Dad)

Happy birthday to Me!

Zoo Days

I guess that was most of June...

May 26 - Birthday Girl!

2011-05-25T17:14:00.004-04:00

Woo-Hoo! My baby turns 7 today!

While she thinks every day is a party worth celebrating with sundaes and sprinkles, she has especially been planning this year's birthday thing for the past 8 months.

Some fun things about Naomi:

- 49 1/2 inches tall

- Favorite colors: blue, white & black
- Favorite food: macaroni & cheese with broccoli & cheese and corn on the cob

- Favorite singer: Britney Spears

- Future aspiration: be an artist
- Favorite hobby: painting (boxes, paper, her eyelids)

Happy, happy birthday, Sunshine!

May 24 - Another Favorite Thing

2011-05-23T14:10:00.005-04:00

Complimenting my love of special paper, writing with fancy pens makes me warm and fuzzy inside. When you feel the weight of a well-crafted pen between your fingers, when the fine, black ink easily rolls words across the page, writing long-hand just seems more worth it somehow. These old fashioned tools speak to me of Refinement, of Class. A Tribute to Forgotten Graces.

Waterman, Cross, Mont Blanc, Parker. I have a small collection acquired over time, just uncovered in a drawer last week. Letter writing inspiration! Of course, they're all regrettably out of ink. Ink that must be ordered from someplace obscure, like the antique store that used to be on 4th street, but moved without a forwarding address. Therefore I am left with only holding the treasure for a moment, smiling nostalgically, then returning it to the velvet case. At least until I figure out if Pensfromheaven.com or Nibs'r'Us are legitimate institutions.

And for now, I return to the practical communication venue. Isn't it ironic that I'm electronically blogging about my love for pens and paper?

May 23 - A Few (More) of My Favorite Things

2011-05-23T13:49:00.004-04:00

Sometimes when fantasies like kids who do what they're told the first time and running a 9 minute mile seem outrageous, it's just nice to remember some of the tangible "cositas" that make one smile.

- like queso dip, any time, on any thing

- and beach days on Lake Michigan

- all fruit popsicles

- seeds that actually sprout when planted

- fancy paper (ever tried the hand made elephant-dung parchment? It comes in subtle gray and brown. They sell it at the zoo. :-)

- perennial flowering plants that don't have thorns

- dark chocolate covered espresso beans

- Mardi Gras pink toenail polish

And naps without an agenda. (yawn) Have a marvelous day!

May 18 - Paranoia Will Annoy Ya

2011-05-18T11:00:00.004-04:00

Maybe it's an occupational hazard of being in home health care. Maybe it's because I've actually sat on a beige pleather bench while a perky little doctor in peach delivers the dreaded "it's cancer" diagnosis. Maybe I truly am a paranoid hypochondriac (placating demurrals appreciated here). Whatever the risk analysis, every time I have a paper cut that lasts more than a day, or congestion that won't seem to go away, I'm convinced my entire body is headed for a breakdown.
Seriously, the string of weird physical things that keep popping up, pooching out, pestering me is bizarre. Yesterday, I was back at the doctor again after fever, back pain, and a 5 week history of weirdness finally made me cave and schedule an appointment. (I hate wasting money on doctors. I should have been a doctor.) After the medical assistant rolled her eyes at my symptoms and questioned me repeatedly about "abnormal discharges" (how would I know what's abnormal any more - apparently the hormone game keeps changing!), I again regretted bothering to go. I like the doctor much better than her assistant. She seems to get me. However, the final diagnosis? Wait for it... Wait... Normal. Nothing's wrong. She gave me a pre-emptive, CYA week's dose of antibiotics, and shrugged. Aaargh!

So, feeling achy and tired and itchy and bloated and sore and having frigid digits but a body temp that fluctuates uncontrollably - all to be expected. Normal 36 year old stuff. No worries. Or, I have terminal psychosomatic whatchamacallit, and will be dead tomorrow. Just in case, it was lovely knowing you all, and to all a good night! xo

May 8 - Mother's are Special

2011-05-16T13:10:00.005-04:00

My mom and Charlie visited us over the last week, so we got to celebrate Mother's Day honoring each other, which was pretty fabulous. Especially since my kids couldn't care less about the Hallmark holiday, at least not beyond the required school craft project delivered in staple-happy style.

(Side note: this in no way reflects on Dale, who I overheard trying to coach and inspire them for weeks into honorific attitudes. And who bought me an awesome Kindle with a pretty pink cover. Thanks, Love!)

Mostly, I just wanted to take the time to be thankful for my mom. I am so incredibly lucky to a) still have her around, b) still enjoy her company, and c) still have her expertise framing the domestic side of my life. No one starts projects and directs furniture moving quite like my mother, who seems to thrive on change (definitely more than me) and pursuit of aesthetic variability indoors and out. Thank you for everything, Mom - I love you!

We had a lovely time together. I wish cross-country travel hadn't gotten so ridiculous. Michigan to California is no longer a bi-annual option for this family of five (sometimes six). We'll just have to treasure the time when we get it. I hope all of you had amazing mother's day celebrations too!

April 30 - Race for the Rack! I mean, Cure!

2011-05-08T16:34:00.007-04:00

Woohoo! First race of the season and we didn't die! This perky little 5K moved to downtown South Bend this year. Starting from the Cove, our newly renovated minor league baseball stadium, we got to jog back and forth across the St. Joe River.This year around 1600 showed up in the chilly, breezy morning to raise money and show support for breast cancer victims and survivors. This is my favorite race of the season, probably because the theme color is pink and many people have teams with funny names and costumes, plus they provide the best snacks (fruit trays, yogurt, brie, croissants)! The sponsors do an incredible job of honoring the survivors, with a parade and victory chant, fancy flowers and hot pink boas. While I would absolutely NOT want anyone to have to go through cancer, it is kinda nice to be on the other side and be recognized. Although compared to the stories of many, my blip in the road is embarrassing to mention.

Regardless, Dale and I had fun on this lovely little run. The fundraising is still open through the end of the month for this very worthy cause that helps provide screening and treatment for local women. I hope others will consider donating and coming out to join us next year (April 28, 2012), but if that's not your thing, just remember "I Am The Cure"!

April 24 - Easter (Late Entry)

2011-05-04T11:52:00.007-04:00

Spring is finally making it's lovely appearance, just in time to celebrate Christ's sacrifice and victory, and all things new and hopeful again. We are so blessed!

Tradition makes my heart happy, as we make memories and grow together as a family. We dyed eggs, hunted for plastic, candy-filled eggs, discovered real robin's eggs in the yard, and chased swallows around the backyard birdhouses.

We ate carrot bunny cake and jelly beans. We fought over egg relay race techniques, then made up and ran together anyway. We missed Naomi, who was on a trip to California with her dad. She posed ahead of time so we wouldn't forget her, and wrote a note to the Easter bunny requesting "educational materials". Funny girl.
Hope you had a fun, springy celebration too!

April 27 - Allergies Smallergies

2011-04-25T18:20:00.005-04:00

After two years of various exclusion trials, I'm overwhelmed and not much further ahead. I know I've griped about this before, but I'm temporarily sick of navigating the war zone of food allergies and meal planning, so I'm cataloging the problem to try and get it out of my system.

Skyler is sensitive to dairy products, but only sometimes. He's deathly allergic to fish, like tuna or salmon, and probably allergic to shellfish and fish oils. He's highly allergic to tree nuts, especially cashews and pistachios, and bothered by peanuts but an occasional exposure just requires Benadryl, hydration and rest. Of course, that's based on testing from six years ago, so who knows what else is on the no-no list now.

I get migraines from exposure to these foods:

- onions & garlic (the smell alone will sometimes trigger one)

- asparatame (NutraSweet)

- MSG

- coffee (decaf, regular, flavored - not every time, because I keep trying to make it go away!)

- orange juice

- wine & wine coolers

- sometimes bananas

- concentrated salt

- any processed meats

I get painful oral symptoms from these foods:

- potatoes

- tree nuts

- sometimes raw tomatoes

- sometimes corn

My digestive system rebels against these foods:

- dairy products except some cheeses

- beans

- peppers
And I'm officially dermis-tested allergic to these foods:

- melons: watermelon, cantaloupe, honeydew...

- wheat

- and one of the "gum" additives that's in packaged food, softserve and cosmetics

Sigh. The only reason I'm not thinner is that I'm living on loads of chocolate and cheese. I wonder how many ways one can fix rice and blueberries...?

April 25 - Panic Buttons

2011-04-25T16:13:00.004-04:00

It was the evening after a relatively relaxing day on a kid-less weekend. I was piddling around on our ancient piano, and Dale was playing with the rambunctious dog. Those two are often rougher than I'm comfortable with, but apparently that's how boys relate to each other, and Jasper doesn't seem to a)hold a grudge or b)be any worse for wear. So usually I try to ignore it.

This time I couldn't. Dale was sitting on the floor behind me, slamming his palm down loudly, making Jasper bark and the floor shake. Suddenly I felt like I couldn't catch my breath, a burning weight tore through my chest. It felt like I'd been shot in the back with a rifle, ripping through my right shoulder blade and blasting a big hole through my front.

My brain felt completely like it was re-living an old trauma. My lungs didn't seem to work, my heart felt weak. I could objectively discern that nothing was physically wrong, but I seemed to keep seeing an open field full of soldiers from around the Civil War times. I couldn't stop trembling. My chest seared with pain. I kept thinking: I don't really believe in re-incarnation - do I? Weird what our minds can do, huh? I don't like loud noises, especially startling ones with aggressive implications. But I live in a house with 3 (sometimes 4) gregarious kids, a sweet dog with a shocking bark, and a drummer. I'm doomed! :-)

April 18 - Blah, blah, blog

2011-04-18T14:44:00.005-04:00

All my friends have cool blogs. They update their formats and photos and write lovely stories about family and smart posts about the latest-greatest stuff. I can't seem to keep up! Pretty sure I need something different from Blogger. What I like about Blogger: I'm mostly used to the basics. What I don't like: I just spent the last 20 minutes trying to correct a spacing issue on ONE post and it's still not right! I can't get a header I like that fits. I'm tired of the default background options. I have trouble making links. It won't update to my current email address, so I have to sign-in with a defunct email that I abandoned 3 years ago. Half the time the whole program crashes and I have to start over. But change is hard...

April 16 - Par-tay!

2011-04-18T13:53:00.017-04:00

One of my best friends, Sarah, turned thirtysomething last week. I felt we should celebrate her fabulousness, and I missed the actual birthday while out of town, so I threw her a party. At her house. Which she cleaned. And cooked for. And invited everyone to. (Great friend, huh?)

It seems like we used to have more social time. We used to go out. I can't believe it had been over a year since we'd been dancing. Apparently being mature, family-women supersedes aerobic exercise to loud music in smoky dark environments where people-of-questionable-motives gather. Go figure.

Anyway, it's always a good time to gather loads of delicious food and fun people, so we started at her lovely historic home (Buy it now!). Three kinds of soup, bean dip, bacon cream cheese dip, "homemade" potato salad, BBQ beef sandwiches, fruit platters, crackers and cheese, cherry wine and martinis. We are seriously good at simple but delicious food. Oh, and I did manage to make cake.Then it was dancing time! I desperately wish this was available in a less vice-ridden environment. I like dancing. I like rock music. I like fruity drinks. I like people. I like feeling sexy. (I despise cigarette smoke.) Somehow, these things get thrown together and suddenly all I'm concerned about is who's pushing me inappropriately and how tragic the next morning (or next 5 years) will turn out for those around me. Oh well. Maybe it's kinda an intercessory prayer opportunity. Plus a few hours of groove and excellent people watching.

I hope all in all Sarah had a happy birthday party. And that she'll let us do it again. (Before another year goes by and more body parts head south would be excellent.)

April 11 - Spring Break Recap

2011-04-18T13:15:00.012-04:00

We had the blessing of spring break with the kids this year, and I actually had the time off to boot. Yippee! I was skeptical how we'd do with that much straight family time, since that doesn't really happen for me anymore, but am thrilled to say it was a joy and a bonding experience.

The first couple of days we spent time with friends in the area, playing, watching movies, scrapbooking. Then on Wednesday, dark and early, Dale and I and the 4 kiddos hit road for the 10 hour drive to Pigeon Forge, Tennessee.

We met Dale's parent-like friends from childhood, Mike and Nancy, who hooked us up with an awesome place to stay. Together we enjoyed the pools, shuffleboard, yummy food and cable TV, as well as the touristy parts of Gatlinberg. We got to ride to the mountaintop over town in the Ober aerial tram. Whee!

On Friday, we drove a few hours to hang out with (my) Dale's parents, Denise and Dale, and his baby sister Becka. We enjoyed meeting some of the family and playing Apples to Apples, but my favorite part was looking at the decades of photos and memorabilia decorating every wall. Cute little blond baby Dale, awww, posing for prom pictures in his uniform, awww. ;-)

The last day came too quickly, which is exactly how a vacation should go: loving it so much you want "just one more day". We spent Saturday hiking to the high point of the Smoky Mountains, over rocks and behind waterfalls. Insert German accent: you vill valk up dis hill AND you vill like it! I won't say that everything went completely smoothly, but in summary the week was totally awesome and a break worth taking!

March 30 - War Dances Audiobk Review

2011-03-30T14:29:00.005-04:00

I should never read the jacket reviews before writing my own thoughts. Those guys sound all enlightened and brilliant and stuff. Aside from directly copying and pasting their wisdom, now all I can think of is, "I really liked it."

The writing was gritty, vulgar at times but never totally inappropriate, and insightful as it explored the inner lives of men on the brink of change or self-realization. The author narrated seamlessly in accents from white middle-class American to obviously Native American, lending authenticity and an almost auto-biographical tone to the stories. I about fell over when he asked, dead-pan, if an Indian dying of alcoholism and diabetes would be considered "natural causes".

So unless you're offended by exploration of racial differences and inequities, or the occasional f-bomb, I'd definitely recommend this collection of short stories.

March 27 - Happy Birthday, Dale!

2011-03-27T08:35:00.006-04:00

Today my marvelous, sexy, smart, funny husband turns a year older (but perpetually younger than me - grin, wink). To celebrate, he's parked in front of the computer spending his birthday money on new music. I love that guy!

A few random facts:

Favorite band: Muse, although Led Zeppelin is the "best band of all time"

Favorite color: "blue, I guess"

Favorite food: anything Mediterranean

Least favorite household chore: folding laundry

Next vacation spot: Tennessee

Future aspiration: be the best husband ever! (OK, I may have made that one up...)

March 23 - Hormones Shmormones

2011-03-23T18:02:00.004-04:00

Last night I had the pleasure of hearing Connie Chalko, Pharmacist and Certified Menopause Clinician from Mar-Main Pharmacy, present a fraction of her wisdom on hormones. I learned so much in that 1.5 hours, I thought I should write some of it down.

Let me start out by being a flat-out amazed at how wonderfully complex we human beings are. God's design never ceases to intrigue and fascinate me. I work in "health" care, so sometimes I get stuck in all the ways things can go wrong. I also spend a fair amount of time "diagnosing" family, friends, myself. Between my desire to be a doctor and an herbalist (you know, in my spare time), I probably know just enough to be a pain in the tail.

That being said, here are some of the cool things I learned:

- Taking too much Calcium (>1000mg/day for women) can increase your risk for high cholesterol.

- Vitamin D-3 is necessary for mineral absorption and can protect against cancer, bone loss, immune dysfunction, multiple sclerosis, and more. Living in this latitude we are limited in natural source (hello, Permacloud) and supplementation to a therapeutic level (2000 units/day in gel capsule form) is highly recommended.

- The majority of hormone production takes place at night, especially around 2-3 A.M., so if you're not sleeping well you're not going to have the stuff you need to function. Insomnia is often a learned behavior and becomes a vicious hormone imbalance cycle.

- Insulin is a hormone.-"Diet" sweeteners are the devil. I've heard this before, and figure we're all going to die of something anyway, but when she explained the "why" she converted me. All the sugar replacements are molecularly close to toxic pesticide-like substances, and some, like Stevia, are banned in most of the world. But I don't care about that. What made sense to me is that the concentrated sweetness tricks your brain into pumping out lots of insulin, which then doesn't really have a place to go since no actual sugar needs to be digested. Short term, it makes that half-eaten doughnut in the trash look downright delicious. Long term, your body gets tired of being faked out & the insulin-sugar uptake system breaks down. Voila: diabetes, nerve damage, circulatory failure, skin breakdown, etc.

Now I have the family taking Vitamin D-3, and we're weaning off the Splenda. I will miss the sweeter days of innocence, but health is worth it!

March 21 - Facial Hair Frivolity

2011-03-21T14:10:00.004-04:00

Oh look. It's Mustache March.

Also known as:

"Look at all the ways we can have fun at work!"

Even if it means not kissing our wives for weeks. Ha.

March 19 - Happy 1st-iversary!

2011-03-20T10:53:00.004-04:00

Today marks a whole year of marriage to my marvelous husband, Dale. I felt enourmous pressure to create appropriate fanfare, like spelling out his name in turquoise balloons, renting a helicopter, writing a sonnet. Unfortunately, when I feel like something's expected of me, I totally balk, get grumpy, and lose all creativity and thoughtfulness.

So I'll just record for posterity the card I gave him (with a moderate bottle of Shiraz and his favorite Easter candy):

I Love Today.

Because it celebrates the amazing ways

We have brought

Our love, our kids, and our lives

Together.

Although we are just beginning,

I'm excited about the future

We are building

And that I get to take

Every step of the journey

With you.

Happy Anniversary, Dale! I love you!

March 9 - Family Values

2011-03-09T07:24:00.005-05:00

As each stage of growth whizzes past, I always wonder what will actually stick. It makes my heart glad when I hear the phrases parroted back, as they "coach" each other. Sometimes I have to say, "Hey, I'll be the mommy today, ok?" Ah, parenthood.

Here are some of our family values that sometimes work:

"say what you mean, mean what you say"

"we don't do bored"

"don't waste! (food, energy, electricity)"

"manners matter (don't talk with your mouth full, it's gross)"

"don't give up what you want the most for what you want at the moment"

Here are a few that don't seem to be sinking in too well:

"pick up after yourself!" (if I step on that tiny pokey toy one. more. time...)

"take care of it today so you don't have to worry about it tomorrow" (really, that 2 page report is due to-morrow?!)

"treat others like you want to be treated (stop hitting!)"

And that was just today! :-)

March 5 - Audiobook review

2011-03-05T23:01:00.003-05:00

The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake, read by the author, was initially intriguing but painful, and ultimately depressing and disappointing. It's a tale about a young girl who suddenly discovers she can taste the emotions of whoever prepared her food. She is then unintentionally tortured by the knowledge of her mother's unhappiness, her brother's isolation, the cafeteria lady's despair. As she grows, she matures into the "gift", and discovers odd gifts run in her family, but doesn't promise much human hope or worthiness.

I generally prefer professionally narrated stories, since authors themselves often can't provide the voice variation to draw me into the drama. Every time she read "I said, she said, he said, so I said" I started to suck in my breath a little. While the cover reviews tout it as an insightful, fantastical exploration of what it's like to love those you know too much about, it left me empty, with a dry, bitter taste in my mouth.

March 2 - Sickies

2011-03-02T12:29:00.004-05:00

Today's fun adventure: trying to determine if Naomi's constant complaints of stomach aches and teariness over getting ready for school are related to an actual germ or some other phenomena. She does really well in school, likes her teacher, does all her work in advance, and seems to get along with the other kids. So why does she get up crying at 4 A.M., sobbing that she can't possibly go to school, she's too sick!?
This morning I spent quite a bit of time in scientific diagnosis mode. Throat clear, tummy non-tender, warm but not too dry skin. Of course the 2 ear thermometers need batteries. The forehead strip is non-functional. Finally located a giant old-fashioned mercury thermometer - that reads Celcius. So afer I looked up the conversion online, it seemed she was running around 99.2 temp. Borderline. Sigh. And I already had patients scheduled today. We made a deal: try to make it through 10 A.M.

By 11, the nurse called. Third time in the last month her school has called me to pick her up. (Bad mommy?) She practically skipped to the car. "I already had a nap, Mama."

She ate her lunch, and is happily tucked in front of the TV now. Is it possible my little princess manufactures fevers so she can lay on the couch and watch movies all day? She has been begging for a Chicken Run/Wallace & Grommit marathon all week. I'm suspicious.

Then again, I've had a headache for 4 days straight, so maybe there's just something out of kilter in the neighborhood.

February 27 - Happy Birthday Seth!

2011-02-27T20:39:00.006-05:00

My eldest son turns 12 today, with the teen years looming right around the corner. What fun! We celebrated this weekend with a sleepover/Xbox party. I think the whole household is still recovering from that adventure, but it was totally worth it.

Some stuff about D. Seth Johnson:

Height: about 2 inches shorter than me, with a shoe size 2 sizes bigger than mine.

Favorite hobby: playing Halo Reach

Favorite food: pierogies

Favorite music: pop, "like the Black Eyed Peas, Mom"

Favorite color: blue

Future aspiration: architect

I'm so proud & blessed to share life with this mischievous, bright, caring, charming young man. I love you, Seth!

February 24 - New Age

2011-02-23T15:31:00.004-05:00

It's an occupational hazard, but I spend a lot of time thinking about aging. I'm really not a fan, but as my patients point out on a daily basis, "the Golden Years stink, but they're better than the alternative."

Recently I read an article on the biopsychosocial care model by Natasha Emmons in Today in PT. Sounds complicated but basically means looking at the whole picture and targeting therapy to each person. The article briefly addressed psychological issues and memory. This made me wonder how much of "the mind goes the older it grows" is scientific truth versus media hype or old people gripe. Here's what I found out.

Reaction time and cognitive speed do decline as people get older. This is probably related to a dozen factors, including loss of brain cells, decreased production of neurotransmitters, genetics, hormone changes, and cumulative side effects from all the other stuff we've done such as medications and smoking. Incidental memory, or things learned without meaning to recall them, fades with time. Fluid intelligence, or the ability to solve problems using reason and abstract thinking also declines. (Sigh.)

However, not all is lost. As adults age, the ability to use skills, knowledge & experience is actually enhanced, with continued learning capacity throughout life. Intentional memory also stays intact with healthy aging. This means calendars, lists, and memory strategies become really important. All is not lost. We may just have to work a little harder to remember the new neighbor's name. Or which nursing home we just moved into.

A retentive memory may be a good thing, but the ability to forget is the true token of greatness. -Elbert Hubbard

February 23 - Menu Malaise

2011-02-23T15:01:00.003-05:00

I am so bored with cooking and, I can't believe I'm saying this, food! Meatloaf on Tuesday, tacos on Friday, pizza on Saturday blah, blah, blah. Over the last month several girlfriends have complained of a similar kitchen malady. Maybe it's just that time of year. It seems we all have about 5 go-to menus, and the rest is whatever we can get out of box with the least amount of effort that the household will actually eat. (Which is another gripe altogether: what do you mean you hate applesauce?! It was your favorite just last week!)

I had the brilliant idea that we could all share our 5 faves, which would expand our creativity and stretch a few tastebuds. Then someone sent me a recipe chain email, and I rolled my eyes and realized more info may not be the solution. Particularly if your food allergies are different from ours. Plus this blog isn't really a "high social response" experience.

So I decided to take a little time at the local farm market and see what that inspired. I brought home oat bran, adzuki and soy beans, sweet potatoes, and turnip greens. Hmmm. Anyone wanna come over for dinner?

February 16 - Energy Crisis

2011-02-16T07:44:00.005-05:00

I'm getting ready to pay the most expensive utility bill of my life so far, thanks to a giant propane tank in my yard and a frigid January. Dale is threatening to "go Amish" and make us live by candlelight, and apparently a giant bonfire in the living room since we don't have a fireplace.

I'm torn about this, being a huge proponent of conserving resources and responsible living, but love love loving luxurious hot showers at any time of day. Is there a sustainable middle ground? We recycle, compost, and unplug. Most of our clothes are second-hand. We keep the thermostat at 64 degrees, prompting me to wear my down coat day and night. I'm considering donning gloves as I sit here and type.

I have the kids brainwashed, er, coached into following suit. Family mantras include "we don't waste food", "put on socks" and "turn it down, turn it off". Skyler has taken to unplugging his digital alarm clock every morning, which is pretty annoying when I have to reset it every night, but his intent makes me proud.

Yet we're still facing escalating energy and living costs. My energy cooperative just sent out an article predicting tripling expenses in the next two years due to federal regulations. How in the world are we supposed to pay for that?!? These kids better start looking for jobs!

February 10 - High Five

2011-02-10T20:34:00.008-05:00

Late last summer, Naomi developed a tiny brown spot on her left hand. No big deal, the whole family is spotted. However, over several months I watched it change color and multiply in size. During a regular check-up, her doctor said it was nothing to worry about, but I insisted on further follow up. Two months later the office called to tell us an appointment was arranged with a dermatologist, in two more months. We changed pediatricians.

Anyway, in January, we saw the smart and kind Dr. Cerullo. She scraped the suspicious mole off and sent it out for testing. Two weeks later, her office called with the results: atypical nevus. Which really means "something's off, but it's probably benign". She promptly made an appointment with a hand specialist. A week later, Dr. Sylvan Clarke scheduled Naomi for surgery.

So that's what we did today. Check-in at 5:30am. (Yawn.) I see post-surgical patients all the time. I like hospitals. I love Grey's Anatomy and House. I do NOT love taking my baby girl in for surgery. Even if she is adorable in her little hospital outfit.

I think they got a late start, for whatever reason, which means she was more than half an hour later in surgery than they predicted. I'm not a nervous momma, but when I had no news by 10:15am, I felt my shoulders starting to ratchet up. When she finally came back to the post-recovery room, I noticed about 5 poke marks on her right arm where the IV was hanging. Hunh. Or that could have slowed them down.

She was peaked and greenish for a few hours, but after a chocolate doughnut and a princess movie, Naomi is back to her sassy self. Now the trick is to keep the bandage clean and in place for 10 days. Wish a momma luck!

February 7 - Time-Devouring Monsters

2011-02-07T17:17:00.003-05:00

I don't have time to blog, or for that matter, time to form an intelligent, coherent thought worth sharing. I'm too busy learning to be "all dat" with our new Xbox Kinect Dance Central. Our basement is my new favorite venue: non-smoking, climate-controlled (sort-of), all my musical faves, creeper-free.

Unfortunately, it's a little, well, little. The support beam is my most willing but non-negotiable partner, and I keep tripping over the couch. Ow.

Kids are great cheerleaders though. "Look Mommy, you almost passed that move!"

February 1 - Must You Go Audiobook Review

2011-01-31T15:07:00.004-05:00

A memoir based on Antonia Fraser's diary entries over more than 30 years, this book both charmed and bothered me. I picked it up at random from the local library, not really knowing anything about the extensive professional lives of the two protagonists. I still cannot say I know much of their combined mass of published work, but apparently she is a famous author of both historical biographies and fiction, and Harold Pinter was a playwright superstar. Beyond this, I found them both to be interesting, personable characters, and their love story is touching and bittersweet. The journey of their joined lives is worth appreciating for that value alone.

What niggled at me a bit was that they both left spouses and families to continue life together. Not due to particularly trying or unusual circumstances, just, you know, drift and new attraction. Everything inside me rails at this idea that one can just change your mind about the commitments made (she had 6 children with her first husband) and live happily every after. Even if it is true. But that's probably just my personal hangup that keeps sending me back to therapy. (rueful grin)

January 31 - Kid Events

2011-01-31T14:44:00.007-05:00

Off to a roaring start in 2011, we've had Family Reading Night, play dates, served communion at church, school programs, and the Scout's Pinewood Derby. How any parent can work full time and supports multiple extracurricular activities is beyond me.

The Edwardsburg Primary First Graders entertained us with a musical program celebrating friendship. They did an excellent job of expressing the ups and downs that face any relationship, with the bottom line being that friends are important and worth it. Great job, Naomi!

Saturday we all gathered in the local church basement for the annual Pinewood Derby race. Skyler had worked on his car and design for several weeks, so he was all geared up for "Gentlemen, start your engines!". He won the first round with gusto, but was eliminated in the next two runs.

Is it wrong if this Mama is proud to participate, but glad we didn't have to hang around for finals and go on to the district race? Anyway, we are already researching design ideas for next year's race, with dragons and hot dog mobiles high on the potential list. Great job, boys!

January 27 - Just Don't Fall Audiobook Review

2011-01-27T21:25:00.003-05:00

You know those compelling stories that you just can't put down, so you carry the book with you to lunch, to read at stop lights, into the bathroom? Josh Sundquist's Just Don't Fall: How I Grew Up, Conquered Illness, and Made It Down the Mountain was that kind of experience. Except I experienced it via audiobook CD, which kinda limits the portability a bit.

However, it was read by the author, with his dry wit sometimes seeming incredibly sincere, other times purely sarcastic. This definitely enhanced the journey, from his cancer diagnosis at age 9 through skiing on the 2006 US Paralympic team at age 22. His paperback title sums it up well: The Hilariously True Story of Childhood Cancer, Amputation, Truth, and Olympic Greatness.

Highly recommend! And just 'cause I think it's cool, here's a link to his YouTube rap Phantom Pain.

January 18 - Wheeee!

2011-01-24T15:08:00.009-05:00

In the midst of frigid temperatures and record-breaking snowfall, our family relentlessly continues to check things off our Fall & Winter list. I think we're about 80% finished, with "raking leaves" being a lost cause and "poem-writing" not particularly interesting.

One of my favorite items is "snow tubing". We lucked out with a Living Social 50% off deal to Five Pines, of my middle-school youth church days. Ah, the memories of warming up in the lodge, wishing that cute boy would hold my hand...

Anyway, I brought my own cute boy this time, and our whole gang of smiley kids. We had perfect timing, with all the teeny-boppers crowded into the warm lodge, and the hill free for die-hard pre-teen boys and a few late families like ours.

Everyone trooped up the steps, whooped down the hill, and trudged back up together, while the snow continued to fall.

So fun! Next up: snow forts!

January something-or-other - HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2011-01-12T07:52:00.007-05:00

Grand retrospective postings and celebratory things to share were kind of derailed in the last couple weeks by normal busy-ness, fun time with friends, & 2 of the worst migraines ever. So here's a summary: last year was full & many great things happened that I'm thankful for (Dale & Paige, new house, nephew Jack, a household with perfect eyesight, etc) and this year is already slated to be even more awesome.

We celebrated the transition with a family dance party at Chris & Sarah's lovely (for safe if you're interested!) manse. Memorable activities included Twister (never-ending), Wii Just Dance (Dawn rules!), homemade cotton candy (sour watermelon? really?), Apples to Apples (Charles Manson is "delicate"? Really?!) and about 2 hours straight of hip-hop gyrations in the 3rd floor ball room.

Cupid Shuffle anyone?

Happy 2011 to all & may you have many fabulous fiestas!

December 25 - Random Christmas Musings

2010-12-25T13:34:00.007-05:00

Merry Christmas All!

We celebrated family Christmas a week early, minus the whole Santa fantasy. Because Santa is pretty accommodating, but really couldn't round up the reindeer in time to make a trip to just our house. I hope the kids understand.

Anyway, here are some of the awesome advantages of that:

-1st dibs on present-opening excitement, before all the other kids get their latest & greatest.

-Somehow, even with having to be ready earlier, it was less stressful. If we needed something last minute, the grocery store lines weren't quite psychotic yet. Everyone's expectations seemed more reasonable. (With the possible exception of Skyler, who had been campaigning for ridiculous present for weeks.)

-We had more snow then. All you weather-haters can shush, because White Christmases are lovely.

- We get to enjoy tapering off Christmas carols, without abruptly launching into Auld Lang Syne & "The Year in Review".

- Dale has given me permission to transition the holiday decorations to "winter lights" & leave them up longer. ;-)

- We got Christmas dinner leftovers for over a week. Yum.

- We get to stay in jammies all day today, eat junk food like caramel chocolate popcorn & nachos, & watch Grey's Anatomy & West Wing re-runs. No agenda, no pressure, no guilt.

I'm campaigning for early Christmas every year now.

December 15 - Halving Holidays

2010-12-15T11:52:00.006-05:00

'Tis the season, so for my mental health I needed to take a moment and acknowledge some of the crummy realities of broken families this time of year. If you're still busy caught up in the magic of it all, feel free to skip this post.

- When parents split, kids get bounced back and forth. We end up competing for time. We have to keep track of who gets which holiday day, and the schedule is a complicated matrix of hours and overnights and who-had-what last year.

- We compete for present pizazz. It ends of being a value comparison in my family. We value time together & experiences, but what kid doesn't want tons of stuff under the tree? Or the latest electronic wonderfulness (which I'm too cheap to buy)?

- We compete for family memories. We no longer share extended family, so all the shared family traditions like celebrating Grandma's birthday and haystacks for Christmas Eve dinner and family from out of town staying all week no longer apply. We try to develop new traditions to replace what seems to be missing. We hope it compensates for the loss.

Through all this, kids get to play the game of loving both families separately, alternating allegiances, when they really long for everyone to be together. I know, we're still in transition and learning in my family. This will seem less painful as the scabs become scars and continue to fade. I just wanted to go on record pointing out that broken families are just that. Broken. And even though people are resilient, and can adjust to lots of yucky situations, this wasn't God's design.

All that being said, we really did have a lovely Christmas celebration with the kids last Sunday. I'm very proud of their positive attitudes and smiles. Aren't they cute?

December 7 - Snow Day!

2010-12-07T13:59:00.006-05:00

Woke up to over a foot of snow covering the world and cancelled plans (school, therefore work). It's like a little gift of breathing room except for the trickiness of patient and co-worker expectations.
Here's what NOT to do on a snow day: try to be productive outside the house. I was able to re-schedule most things, but I had one local guy who needed a quick evaluation, so I tucked the kids in with snacks and thought I'd run over there. Except it's a snow day for a reason.

I eased out of our driveway, but promptly slid off a few miles down the road. Like, totally stuck in a country drive with only a sickly woman and an infant close by. After over an hour of shoveling, hacking at ice, rocking back & forth in the van, shoveling more, the woman called her boyfriend who sent a guy with a strap & a truck. It still took 20 minutes of doe-si-doe with the pick-up, but whew! We made it out.

My charming husband called about then to tell me the roads didn't seem too bad this morning. Right. Unless, of course, you have to stop. Or turn around. Or pass someone. Other than that you're good to go!

So rather than blaspheming the beauty of a snow day, I'm repenting and tucking in for the day. Here's a better plan:

Please excuse me, now I need to go make hot chocolate...

December 6 - The Prevention Plan

2010-12-07T06:48:00.003-05:00

'Tis the season for open enrollment, for examining your benefits and making adjustments to 401K contributions and insurance premiums. Technically that was last month for me, but I'm just now getting around to writing about it.

I'm thankful for an employer that provides many great benefits, and has a whole team dedicated to finding good deals for the members. Really, in today's world, I'm lucky to have health insurance that doesn't cost me my firstborn child.

So I'm grateful. But also leery. In addition to a significant increase in premium costs this year, our plan is requiring a Health Screening self-assessment and mandatory blood tests. As a health care provider and proponent for preventive maintenance, I totally get this. What a great way to help people understand their risks and coach life changes that will save valuable time and money and improve quality of life. Right?
However, as an independent-minded individual who hates being micro-managed, this grates on me. I'm responsible about my regular check-ups, and I'm pretty sure the whole process will just make me feel guilty for eating stuff I shouldn't and not exercising enough. Duh.

Then there's the subtle sense of impending doom, like someone is going to make us all exercise 30 minutes a day or they won't pay for Pap smears and flu shots anymore. Oh I know, they promise that's not the intent, but as health costs rise and people keep getting sick, all manner of cost management measures start. When we move from rewards for healthy choices to mandatory blood tests, I feel the stage being set for all kinds of elitist or exclusionary policies. Regardless of what the current administration is promising.

God forbid if you're genetically pre-disposed to cancer!

December 1 - Advent & Seasons

2010-12-01T12:19:00.005-05:00

Tree's up, house is decorated, cookies in progress, 1/2 the presents wrapped, practicing carols on the piano, and it's only the 1st of December. I'm ahead of the holiday season game for once, and it feels great!

Typically I'm a hum-buggy kind of girl. I'm a cheap-skate, and the commercialism is cuckoo. I want to give, give, give but really I'm a save, save, saver. I love to volunteer, but the perceived obligations (food banks, soup kitchens, adopt-a-family, snowflakes for seniors, perks for the garbage guy, the mail lady, the bus drivers, the teachers, the co-workers, the bosses) overwhelm me. I worry about everyone's expectations, and get my own expectations all twisted up in the mean time. Ick.

Somehow, this month's positivity is actually winning over all of that. I know, it's early. But today I read this insightful and moving post by Rob Bell (via my friend, Tim Burkey). He talks about how the church sets aside seasons for breaking up our tendancy toward monotony or being overwhelmed, to focus our attention and hearts.

The life of the spirit is a dynamic reality, taking us through a myriad of emotions, experiences and states of being. What the church calendar does is create space for Jesus to meet us in the full range of human experience, for God to speak to us across the spectrum, in the good and the bad, in the joy and in the tears.

And Advent, the season leading up to celebrating Christ's birth, is about expectation and deep longing for what's to come. Because something is missing in this world. Something isn't right. Advent confronts our cynicism about getting our hopes up, our chronic expectation of betrayal, and whispers, A better day is coming...

So, while part of me suspects I'm ahead of the game because I have to split holiday time with ex's and celebrate whenever we can, I find I'm a little hopeful in my heart. Because I heard a soft promise that what is "not yet" will be worth it.

November 26 - Heard Around the House

2010-11-27T12:00:00.002-05:00

Skyler: We need to give Jasper a bath. (I re-named the dog.)

Me: Yeah, but I really don't like wet-dog smell, so I don't wanna.

Skyler: Well, he'll just smell like Seth does.

Ha! :-)

November 24 - Looking Ahead

2010-11-24T14:12:00.002-05:00

Last night was busy on all fronts. Dale took Skyler to Cub Scouts, and I took the other two for some non-crowded, pre-Black-Friday-but-the-discounts-still-apply mall shopping. While we were still out sniffing new computer smell (we have an Apple Store now!), Dale came home. I'm the one lucky enough to park in the garage, so he always has to get out and work the keypad. In the midst of that, a van pulled into the drive and a young man hopped out, hocking "The Ultimate Carpet Cleaner".

It was 8:45PM, and very dark. He said something along the lines of, "We can knock till 9, and if I can just get in to look at your carpet this could change your life." Funny how experience makes what would have once been annoying feel downright threatening. Dale promptly informed him this was inappropriate and asked him to leave.

I'm pretty sure all his hackles were up, because he got rather tense just relating the story when we returned home. Which made me mentally flash forward about 30 years. Here's what I'm picturing: two old people in rocking chairs on the porch, loaded shotguns on our laps, keeping watch with scowling faces. In a gravelly, Clint Eastwood voice, "Dang people - get off my land!"

If this happens to me, please intervene! Seriously, how hard can it be to disarm a 70 year old?!

November 18 - Hard

2010-11-19T06:57:00.004-05:00

Last night we had the pleasure of flying through 3 parent teacher conferences for 3 pretty cool kids. I am grateful for strong schools, caring teachers, & kids who aren't too terribly difficult to educate. Looks like our biggest academic struggle is a little organization to bring the B's up to A's. Plus the new homework philosophy when teachers noticed that masses of rote homework weren't effective for learning had me doing a little happy dance in the 3rd grade hallway.

All that is really great. We are blessed. What made last night hard was the anticipation of spending 2 hours zipping between 3 different school buildings with hungry kids & putting on a happy face for everyone - with both my 1st & 2nd husbands. Awk. Ward.

I have not mastered this co-parenting cr**, I mean "important life skill", yet. First time I've been seriously tempted to take Xanax since I had to spend 4th of July with Scott's whole family a few months after he left. (My doctor prescribed it specifically for that situation at the time.) Yuck.

November 10 - Still Spooked

2010-11-10T20:47:00.002-05:00

Last Wednesday, after volunteering in Skyler's classroom & treating a couple patients in town, I stopped home to use the bathroom between patients. And walked in to a very scary disaster. Every door was open: cupboards, drawers, basement, front door, back door. Every light was on. I thought, "Who had a chance to come home this morning & why on earth would they leave everything open?!" Then, "Oh crap!!!" I grabbed the dog, the phone & ran!

The last week has been a whirlwind of already scheduled really important stuff like Skyler's 8th birthday and the AND conference and my dad visiting from Delaware. Plus hours and hours of clean up, financial and identity protection, police follow up. Ugh! My fantastic husband actually describes the first impact perfectly here.

We're still kinda freaked out. We lost a lot of "just stuff", like computers and cameras, and some irreplaceables, like all the digital photos and journaling from the last 2 years. Painful.

But certainly not the end of the world. Here's my take-away: security is an illusion. All the "stuff", even our family members and pets, is God's anyway. While it is smart to steward well the blessings we're given, ultimately we don't control them. This week I'm working on surrendering with grace. It's not my favorite. I'm not good at it. But I am God's child and I believe in His plan.

November 2 - Random Personal Thoughts

2010-11-02T19:44:00.004-04:00

I found myself trying to explain The Eagles' Hotel California to the kids this evening. Turns out that despite an entire Week of Prayer devoted to exploring the evils of this specific song, I still don't get it. Hunh.

I voted today, in an old brick building in the middle of a cow field. Midterm elections aren't nearly as exciting (expensive?) as the presidential ones. I'm pretty sure politicians don't intend to be evil, and they try their best, but it seems pretty difficult to trust anyone these days. I always feel like I'm missing part of the story. Still, if we don't exercise our rights, one day we might lose them. Power to the people and all.

I've been sick for about a month. Yuck. My doctor is on maternity leave after having twins (awww), and the practice referred me to MedPoint. Waited over 2 hours and the official 2 minute diagnosis: bronchitis. Finished second round of antibiotics today, still coughing up blood. Not. Awesome.

October 31 - Struggling with Sabbath - Part 3

2010-10-31T20:50:00.003-04:00

After prayer, weighing our priorities and promises, we decided to start a family Sabbath. Here's what that means to me:

A 24 hour period in which

- we focus on God first, family second, friends & community third

- we avoid all the regular household chores that distract us (but still pick up after ourselves & eat)

- we avoid screen time (no computers or TV, limited social media)

- we try to spend time together creatively, with limited expenditures

- we plan ahead so the home maintenance, meal prep, bills & phone calls aren't hanging overhead

And then. We just. "Be".

For a little while.

Right. Then college football season launched. Maybe next month...

October 25 - Cuteness Responsibilities

2010-10-25T16:19:00.003-04:00

Introducing: the newest family member! Patches Murphy Shafer

Because apparently 4 kids, a husband, a house with 3 acres, 2 jobs, 2 volunteer roles & 2 turtles left me entirely too much spare time! (grin)

October 19 - Cub Scout Family Camp

2010-10-19T06:50:00.005-04:00

Skyler joined cub scouts! He's in 3rd grade, so he's a Bear Cub. Aww. Last weekend was the Fall Family campout, & Dale & I got to go along.

Frosty noses, yellow leaves, pumpkin carving, hikes, cooking over the fire, dump cake, camp songs ("Here we sit like birds in the wilderness, birds in the wilderness, birds in the wilderness...") & tug of war against the bigger Boy Scouts (we won 9 out of 10 rounds!).

Skyler said best of all was the Fire Bowl Saturday night. With the magically lit jack o'lantern way, & many silly songs & skits, great leadership & lots of laughs.

I love that through this opportunity he has a group of community leader men as mentors, who model respect, preparation, kindness, honesty, reverence & about 8 other key points (I don't have to memorize 'cause I'm just the mom). We are so blessed!

October 18 - Struggling with Sabbath - Part 2

2010-10-18T14:44:00.005-04:00

I was raised Seventh-day Adventist, & my father worked for the church most of my life. The Saturday Sabbath is one of their keystones, so I have some experience with the conservative version: sundown Fri to sundown Sat, no money exchanges hands, no secular entertainment (TV, music, games), no homework or chores. As a child, this was an annoyance at best. Kinda dorky to rename all the board games "Egypt to Canaan".

Then I went away to high school. While some of the restrictions were still pesky, I found a whole new level of peace in the mandatory day off. It was a spiritual discovery time of life, along with all the fun hormonal growth.

Then I married a disenchanted Adventist missionary kid. Getting caught up in the legalism & disappointments in fellow Christians, our family shifted away from Sabbath practice. It felt too "because I said so" & lost all meaning of reconnecting with God & family.

Fast forward through 15 years of "just life" - & I long for the peace & connection again. I find some semblance of guidelines & routines comforting. Perhaps in this new season, some of the centuries-old tradition makes more sense to me. Now, to figure out the logistics...

October 13 - Feeding Hungry Peeps

2010-10-13T09:36:00.006-04:00

After a weird summer of being off kilter, with the kids gone & new family responsibilities & changing work schedules, I am so glad to be back in the swing of things. As we get our groove back, we're getting back to activities that make my heart happy.

Saturday we helped out at Feed the Children in Elkhart. As a group, we packed over 2000 boxes of food & personal care stuff. All 4 kids participated better than ever before, with 2 solid hours of sorting, packing & box crushing. And they were pretty smiley the whole time!

October 8 - Friday Happy Dance Party

2010-10-11T14:17:00.003-04:00

Today was Seth's first ever official middle school dance party. I was actually shocked he was even interested in going, let alone willing to spend his own allowance to participate. We had to make an emergency Walmart run the night before to buy neon puffy paint markers & craft his own unique NEON dance shirt. Add glow stick neck & arm bands & Ta-dah! Not too bad, if I do say so myself. ;-)

I picked him up 2 hours later, all sweaty & smiling. Apparently a grand time was had by all. So to continue the theme, Dale hooked us up with a playlist, and we gathered the family around the campfire and danced the night away. Nothing like teaching 4 kids the Cupid Shuffle under the stars. Ah, memories!

Hope you all had great weekends too!

October 7 - Pink Ladies Club

2010-10-07T19:22:00.005-04:00

Dale & I attended the 3rd Annual Susan G. Komen for the Cure breast cancer survivors' luncheon today in Mishawaka. It was a lovely affair, with festive flowers & pink balloons & loads of pretty door prizes. One of the local oncologists spoke briefly about his professional motivation. Several local leaders stated their support, and a sanguine survivor shared her moving & amusing tale.

So it was nice & inspirational & stuff but I find myself wondering why being there made me feel completely off kilter. In fairness, the night before D & I were out till 3AM (Muse is AMAZING!) & my work morning didn't go as smoothly as planned. Still, I sat at the edge of a crowd of women & family members who have made it through a journey similar to mine, & I felt completely out of place.

I don't think I'm part of the club. My breast cancer experience seems so minimal compared to other stories. I don't feel like "a survivor". Ladies cheer for each other and speak of the sisterhood we share, the immediate bond. I figure I'm just broken because I don't get it. Yes, I understand all the lingo. Yes, I'm interested in their stories. Yes, I can discuss surgery options and side effects. Yes, I've known several who have fought the good fight but still passed on.

But instead of feeling connected, I just get grumpy & sad. Even though pink is one of my favorite colors!

October 4 - Struggling with Sabbath - Part 1

2010-10-04T14:12:00.005-04:00

Recently I finished AJ Jacobs' The Year of Living Biblically audiobook, and surprisingly it exceeded expectations on multiple levels. It was written by a witty Jewish agnostic journalist, in his quest to follow the Bible as literally as possible for an entire year. As in, not wearing clothing of mixed fibers (specifically wool & linen), being fruitful & multiplying (IVF justified), stoning adulterers (pebbles count).

"The resulting year was fascinating, entertaining and informative. It was equal parts irreverent and reverent. It was filled with surprising insights almost every day. (I know it’s not biblical to boast, so apologies for that)."

Through his experience, in conjunction with friend conversation & other reading, I have become more aware of spiritual disciplines and getting back in the flow with spiritual living. One place I felt would be good to start was reclaiming Sabbath in my family. Yeah, 'cause I didn't want it to be too easy apparently. Lots to unpack here, so I will separate this into a few postings for a)ease of reading and b) I might actually publish something.

So, the Sabbath is God's law, like one of the Big 10 before you even get to not killing off your neighbor and stuff. Remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy. You have 6 days each week for your ordinary work, but the 7th day is a Sabbath day of rest dedicated to the Lord your God. Exodus 20:8-10

Right. Anyone else notice the possibility for wide open interpretation? What does holy mean these days? Is that a Saturday, or is Tuesday ok? What if running a 5K or watching football is restful to me? Doesn't using electricity mean I'm making someone work & robbing them of the Sabbath experience? Does it count if I spend 1/7 of each day all week long resting & reconnecting with God?

My limited, legalistic human mind needs some boundaries. Not because I'm trying to tick off a checklist or earn my way to holiness, but because I want to be intentional. And I want to notice a difference in my real life. Now what?

September 27 - I think I used to be smarter

2010-09-27T11:00:00.003-04:00

Every day, when I'm running around, making lists, taking care of things, I have a random thought that seems bloggable. I think, "This topic is kinda deep, kinda funny, I'm sure it deserves exploration." Then I get back to feeding the masses, or scheduling something, or picking up after someone, and the thought is GONE. Whoosh. Right out of my head.

Apparently, nothing worth sharing happens here any more. Lame.

I miss being witty and insightful and having small blocks of time to organize my thoughts. Oh well. Maybe next month.

September 12 - So Pretty

2010-09-19T07:52:00.002-04:00

A labor of love. A work of art. A heritage of yumminess.

September 7 - Back to School!

2010-09-08T21:59:00.005-04:00

Another year, more milestones...

Seth is charging off to 6th grade, hitting the middle school big leagues. He had his locker combo memorized after 1 try, and oozes "I-couldn't-care-less" attitude. Here he is waiting for the bus (which never came, grr) before even a hint of dawn.

Skyler is ready to dominate 3rd grade. He's in a looping classroom with the same teacher & kids from last year, in a school for 2nd & 3rd graders only. He's all smiles and no fear.

Naomi was sick with worry about mean kids, but was encouraged to learn all mean kids have moved to Texas, or some similar far-away place. She is loving 1st grade and her nice new teacher already.

Now I just have about 20 more permission slips and procedure notices and homework policies to sign. And possibly 2 more trips to the bus garage to get the route and times straigtened out (No morning pickup for any kids, 1.5 hrs for Skyler & Naomi to get home yesterday. Sigh.) I always forget how much work back-to-school actually is for Mama.

But check out the beautiful sendoff God gave us to start the new school year!

August 30 - What Did You Do Today?

2010-08-30T22:03:00.004-04:00

The coolest thing I did today:

I am SO BLESSED to have time to play. Any 25 brand new Play-Doh containers should make anyone happy!

August 25 - A Day in the Life

2010-08-27T09:49:00.003-04:00

I'm recording this for the absurd posterity of it all, and out of pure gratefulness for my blessed life!

6am - get up & make Dale's lunch & morning coffee, lots of kisses

6:45am - go back to my snuggly bed!

7:15am - cuddle Naomi in my bed & read our favorite Shel Silverstein poems

7:45am - make chocolate chip pancakes with Naomi's chip placement assistance

7:55am - make gluten-free cottage cheese pancakes for me

8:30am - crush turtle pellet food and sprinkle liberally for Skyler's silver dollar-sized pets

8:45am - clean the kitchen, throw in a load of laundry, write a blogpost, sip chai

9:05am - yell at Seth to clean up his bloody nose & stop dripping everywhere

9:08am - physically separate the children to take care of Skyler's bloody lip

9:20am - banish 3 children to different corners, which lasts about a minute

9:24am - call technical support to update my work password & account to match my not-so-new-anymore name
9:30am - clean out the last 2 1/2 years of email in my work inbox (don't think I'll be much help now in locating the missing equipment from 12 south from 2008!)

9:55am - jog 4 miles while Skler rides his bike alongside

10:45am -practice push-ups and crunches with Naomi

10:50am - waste 15 minutes trying to remove the toenail polish from my fabulous pedicure a month ago in Ocean Beach, then decide I'll just have to outgrow it

11:05am - shower.... ahhh!

11:35am - pay medical bills by phone

12:00pm - teach Skyler to whittle sticks into sharp pointy spears (he BEGGED all morning) with my super-cool Swiss Army knife engraved with my name in Switzerland

12:15pm - review knife safety tips with all the kids after I unearth Seth from the basement
12:30pm - make chicken salad sandwiches for lunch, except for Naomi who currently will only eat jelly and butter sandwiches

12:55pm - park kids in front of a movie with their lunch so I can run out & see a patient in town

1:15pm - play cheerleader for a decrepit old lady with behavioral issues "Let's go outside & try to stand up today!"

2:00pm - drive to Niles for a bank deposit

2:05pm - swing by Walmart to pick up water softener salt

2:15pm - run into the library to return books & pick up On the Corner of Bitter & Sweet for book club next month

2:30pm - pull into the driveway, which is now covered with sticks & berries & bikes

2:32pm - hug all 3 kids

2:35pm - hang the wet laundry out on the patio furniture

2:50pm - load the dishwasher, make sure all the bathrooms have toilet paper

3:00pm - eat ice cream on the couch

3:02pm - read stories with all 3 kids on the couch

3:28pm - check out Skyler's growing collection of spears while listening to Vampirates audio book

3:35pm - make Jello

4:00pm - throbbing headache, try to lie down, kids are playing some sort of yelling, barking, running game

4:10pm - make graham crackers & frosting & milk snack

4:15pm - try to start my book club book

4:20pm - take more migraine medicine

4:25pm - set up a tent in the yard, with Naomi & Skyler "helping"

4:55pm - surrender to a dark room with quiet music in a horizontal position

5:00pm - try not to throw up

5:05pm - help Seth find his back pack, & in turn he gets me a cold wash cloth for my head (with coaching)

5:15pm - sleep???

5:40pm - respond to texts from several friends, get the mail
6:00pm - check on the kids playing in the tent

6:03pm - start supper: mac & cheese & broccoli

6:30pm - supper together at the table (Dale is out with Paige tonight), chattering about best friends and favorite books and vacation spots

And so it goes...

Skyler: "Today was a pretty great day!" :-)

August 24 - So Far So Good

2010-08-25T09:17:00.002-04:00

After some scheduling snafus related to my loss of phone/calendar/contacts a few months back, I finally got in to see Dr. Method for the ovarian cancer update. (yuck)

Anticipation is the worst part. I've pretty much contemplated all possible ways to get sick and die with this stuff. Anyway, last week I had the joy of a transvaginal ultrasound. "Don't worry, it doesn't go in ALL the way," the friendly technician assured me. Great. My left ovary was being elusive, playing peek-a-boo behind some colon or something. At least that means there's no grapefruit-sized tumor hidden in there, even if it feels like it sometimes.

Yesterday was the blood test for the CA-125 marker. I got to check out the new Michiana Hematology & Oncology complex, which is pretty in hip olive colors and etched glass. However, I don't think they thought through the fact that nearly everyone going there is likely to be ill. There are yards and yards of pavement to cross to get to the staggered maze-like entryway. None of the signage is posted yet, so you kinda have to guess which bathroom is for women or which direction to go to find the doctor. Fortunately, they've staffed the building with friendly white-haired ladies to point and smile apologetically.

Back today for THE RESULTS.

Aaaaand, it's all good! Exam & test results all normal. They have a new expensive screening test option, but for now the doc thinks we're good with 6 month monitoring for another year or two. Yippee! Now I can get back to worrying about normal stuff, like managing sibling rivalry and homework.

August 17 - BCYF!

2010-08-19T22:23:00.008-04:00

YAY! It's that time of year again. The Berrien County Youth Fair is a grand family tradition. I think I've spent at least a day there most summers for the past 30 years. (Weird since I'm only 29 - wink wink - right?) From entering my own crafts and baked goods, to scoping out cute boys, to pushing strollers and wiping cotton candy fingers, to now whooping and squealing with my kids and new husband on the Fire Ball and ferris wheel.

We sweated through the Continental Circus, which was pleasantly clown-free and featured 10 tigers and a lion. Check out the 4th generation 11 y/o Wallenda girl, on top of the high wire grandstand - NO NET! That may be the most nervous I've ever been for a performer!

We love it all! We watched a baby goat birth. We voted for our favorite Lego display and rabbit breed. We wolfed down korn dogs and pizza and elephant ears. We maximized our ride wristbands. For a solid 12 hours. And can't wait for next year!

August 18 - Endless Chores

2010-08-19T20:50:00.002-04:00

I absolutely heart weekends home with the family, but cooking 8 full meals in a row is exhausting! Whew. We've been running the dishwasher twice a day. Seth, who has assumed the emptying chore, asked me Monday, "when does it ever stop?!" Exactly, kid. Exactly. Maybe going back to school in a few weeks won't be so bad. Sometimes going to work feels like a break!

August 11 - Environmentalists

2010-08-11T09:24:00.006-04:00

OK, maybe we don't appropriately recycle every possible item or weave our own clothing from native fibers, but we're definitely tree huggers in this family!

July 25 - The Importance of Information

2010-08-04T08:49:00.004-04:00

We went to the San Diego Wild Animal Park with the family today. It's a gorgeous park full of giraffes and antelope, rhinos and lions, like a Cliff-notes safari tucked into the southern California mountains.

First on the agenda, we made a bee line to the Lorikeet enclosure, where you can feed colorful parrot-like birds breakfast from little cups in your hand. My sister loves this adventure so much we used to call them Lara-keets. Excitement was high!

Unfortunately, I failed to clue the kids, who had never been there, into what exactly to expect. So when the zookeeper handed Naomi a tiny cup of nectar, she automatically sipped it, which made the crowd around her giggle, instantly embarrassing her. No one had told her it was for the birds. No one had mentioned that we were going into big cage full of bright squaky things that would land on you all at once with their soft claws and curious beaks. Understandably, she panicked, and Skyler promptly refused to participate. It took some confusion and coaxing to bring them through the enclosure.

In hindsight, there were about 10 ways I could have made that a more rewarding memory. I could have made sure the kids were well fed before we arrived instead of just packing snacks. I should have assigned an adult to each kid. I should have mentioned some of the animals they would see and promoted the interactive experience. I might have informed them specifically that Lorikeets are friendly parrot-like birds that will perch on your hands and shoulders and head looking for food. Oh well.

The good news is that everyone survived, and Naomi can tell the story now and giggle about it. Plus she was the only one who got to taste the special formula bird food, just like the zoo keeper. She says it's kinda sweet, like soy milk.

July 23 - Vacation

2010-07-26T14:56:00.004-04:00

We are on our way to California again, but this will be Dale's first major cross country trip West. We're going sightseeing, family visiting, getting to see the kids a couple days = good stuff. Theoretically this is a honeymoon, but I'm not sure how that's all going to work out since we're staying with family the whole time! :-p

July 14 - Like There's a Script

2010-07-14T07:47:00.004-04:00

"I just don't feel like I love you." "I don't want to be tied down right now." "I'm dealing with issues from my childhood (it's not you, it's me)." "We've grown apart." "There's no one else, I just need to figure myself out."

Ugh! Who wrote these crappy cliche lines anyway? And WHY do they continually play out all around me, like some sort of bad form cult-classic movie? Whatever happened to working through the tough stuff IN relationship? Where are the grown-ups anymore?

Watching marriages all around me dissolve into tears & hurtful words & custody battles is simply awful. I believe in marriage, for life. I want to hold out hope. I want someone to show me how that works. Instead, over and over, I learn of friends and associates hitting rough patches and I fear what will happen next. I want to be proven wrong. I want a couple to fight and win, together.

Who keeps handing out the scripts?!? How can we STOP this epidemic?

July - The List

2010-07-07T12:13:00.004-04:00

Made a Summer Fun 2010 To Do list with the kids. Had to edit out anything that takes place in July or early August, so the Renaissance Fair, blueberry picking, and fireworks won't be enjoyed together this year.It's still a pretty good list though:

- grow watermelons

- go to the beach

- swimming pool

- go on a nature walk

- go to a library program

- crafts

- go to the zoo

- sleep in a tent

- go to a museum

- play mini-golf

- rock hunting

- read books

- play games

- write a story

- ride bikes (Naomi learn to ride a 2 wheeler)

- find an arrowhead

- go to the fair

- go to a baseball game

- pick wild flowers

We got about half the list "experienced" before the kids left, and I'm optimistic on full completion. Except for that first item Seth randomly created, since we didn't even plant watermelons. Uhhh...

So what fun stuff is on your list?

July 5 - Amputation

2010-07-05T08:57:00.003-04:00

I would rather fight off cancer 1000 times if it meant I didn't have to watch another woman drive off with my old life, with my kids.

The children officially started summer with their dad on Thursday, but today they are actually leaving the state for the next 4 1/2 weeks. They swung by on the way out of town to pick up Seth's forgotten DS (vital, I know). All loaded up, tucked in for a family road trip in the new SUV, with their new blond mommy.

It's like they drove off with one of my limbs (accidentally) shut in the door.

June 30 - Why Fight

2010-06-30T16:33:00.003-04:00

Just to be clear, I understand a bit of why people fight cancer. I get that the struggle can be worth it.

For the sound of a belly laugh from a child you love.

For the beauty of a pastel sunset over the lake.

For the soft kiss of your lover on your lips.

For the rich taste of freshly ground coffee or smooth dark chocolate.

For the fragrance of your favorite flower.

For the embrace of a tried and true friend.

For the eye-crinkling smile of a stranger.

For the challenge of learning something new.

For the satisfaction of vanquishing monsters.

Even if it's just for one more day.

June 28 - I Hate Cancer

2010-06-28T09:48:00.003-04:00

I suppose it's an occupational hazard since I work with a lot of sick people nearing the end of life. My role is to assist and educate in mobility safety and function. I love my job because it makes a difference and truly helps people. But some days the outlook seems so bleak. I see people fighting for their lives, trying to be optimistic, and I know in my heart they're on their way out of this world. I know that they'll go through days, weeks, months of scans and surgical recovery and painful treatments and debilitating nausea and neuropathy, often just to buy a little more time here. I am sympathetic.

Last week I worked with 3 hospice cancer patients, but the one that threw me over the edge was a lady I treated 2 years ago. After going through all the icky cancer stuff back then, essentially on her own because she has no support system, she's back. The cancer they thought was eliminated has metasticized. She's now recovering from the abdominal surgery my doctors are recommending I undergo (sooner rather than later). They're not sure what will be next for her. I assessed her abdominal strength, incision healing, scar mobility and postural stability appropriately, but all I could think about was IDon'tWantToDoThis. Again.

Sometimes empathy is harder than sympathy.

I. Hate. Cancer.

June 12 - Party Time!

2010-06-16T11:04:00.005-04:00

Celebrated Summer Vacation Launch & Naomi's 6th Birthday with a Gang

It got kinda messy with a visiting snake, teasing older siblings faking raccoon murder, cake everywhere & water balloons. But I guess that's what makes things memorable, right?

May 31 - Patriotism & Choices

2010-05-31T15:08:00.005-04:00

I have decided it is a family tradition to take my children to the Edwardsburg Memorial Day Parade every year. It's usually sticky and hot. It's not about amazing showmanship or expensive floating balloons (although the marching band busted out some choreography). Instead, we gather as a small town community, greet classmates and neighbors and patients I've treated, and honor those who have fought for our country and liberty.
I'm not sure that means much to people these days. I am sure I can't fully understand the gravity of others' sacrifice. But I do know that after living overseas for a year, I literally wanted to kiss the asphalt of the La Guardia airport in New York when we returned home. I do know that many, many people simply don't have the blessings or choices we do here in the United States.

Recently, Granger Community Church featured a story about Monjue, a young Indian girl who felt she had no choices at all. This story marked me. (Check it out here since I can't figure out how to embed the actual link.) So many things in our lives today are easy to take for granted.

Today, as the Edwardsburg High School Band played the Star Spangled Banner, and I made the kids stand up and salute, I was moved to tears. I hope this family tradition reminds my kids a little of how blessed we are to live here, now, together. I hope that patriotism is a value that sticks.

May 27 - STRESSED

2010-05-26T12:08:00.006-04:00

I've been feeling like I'm just not functioning up to par lately. Getting plenty of rest, still exhausted. Barely sit still for 17 hours a day, still feel like my task list is never-ending. In a great place of joy and love with family and friends, still cry uncontrollably for no reason. Pretty sure I'm going nuts.

Kind people around me have calmly pointed out that I've experienced a lot of life changes in the last few months. Good changes (for a change), but still requiring adjustment and learning. Hunh.

Reminded me of the Holmes & Rahe Stress Scale I learned about in college. You know, the ranking of life events that assigns a stress score and predicts the likelihood of developing a major illness. I was worried about it, so I reviewed the scale today. Good news: I only score 283 with things like marriage & major mortgage. 300 is the threshold for major health risk (30% more likely than my "moderate risk"). Of course that means I'm about 1 event away from impending doom, so NO ONE is allowed to get sick or fired or die, OK?

Side note: did you know the change in number of family reunions and speeding tickets contribute to the score? Seriously. I am employing deep breathing techniques just to get through a regular 24 hours. In a world of constant change, how does anyone survive?!?

May 26 - Happy Birthday Princess!

2010-05-26T12:00:00.003-04:00

Today my baby girl turns 6! Banana splits for breakfast - yay!

Wrapping up kindergarten and growing up fast. Here are a few of her favorite things: anything pink, Polly Pockets, Littlest Pet Shop, writing and drawing and reading, fashion and hugs from Mommy. Awww.

May 20 - Moving House

2010-05-20T21:58:00.006-04:00

Ok, so we moved like a month ago. It's just taken me this long to actually find my computer, the power cord, connect to the internet and have a coherent thought all at the same time. (Well, maybe the coherency thing is still sketchy.)

We are completely blessed with a beautiful home, on fabulous property, in the town I picked. The process and timing were impeccable. The children get to stay with their teachers and friends in a Blue Ribbon school district. My family is happy and healthy and together. It feels too good to be true, so I've been kinda quiet hoping not to jinx anything!
However, the actual physical move has been the most difficult of my life so far. I'm not a great packer. Or planner. Or furniture mover. Or decorator. Or painter. I suddenly realize how much I have relied on others' help in the past, and how much I have to learn. This equalled 2 weeks of being overwhelmed and depressed for no good reason. (Hel-lo. Everything I asked for!) Then feeling guilty for not being all of the above with a cheerful smile. Meanwhile continuing to work, manage 3 kids end-of-year schedules & projects, be a newlywed supportive wife, and ramp up my running schedule (NOT happening).

Thank God my mom is coming next week to help with all the stuff I'm not great at, so we can get back to the craziness that is just normal life. Thank God for giving me a supportive husband and tolerant children. Thank God for the capacity to do at least one productive thing each day.

I am soooooooo lucky! ;-)

April 23 - Aging with Grace

2010-04-23T19:41:00.003-04:00

What's more disheartening than having to tweeze ("plucking" is for chickens) stray chin hairs daily? Discovering some of them are snowy white! When did this happen?! Why is this happenning to me?! Ugh.

For all the cliche sayings about aging gracefully, we as a society seem to really stink at it. Everywhere you turn there are formulas and serums and stretches to fake your way out of it. Which really just makes it more traumatic for everyone. Hel-lo. Getting older is inevitable. Unless you prefer the alternative, but death doesn't seem too popular either.

My friend Linda Bradley and I had the opportunity to present on aging in place and home safety at the Geriatric Consortium last month. She was quick to point out to the middle age crowd that no one really teaches us how to get older, and especially not how to do it safely. We're too busy fighting it off to acknowledge the reality that we change over time.

I wish we could figure out a way to make each aging milestone cool. Acceptable. Valuable. I don't know the answers, but I think we might be missing out on something important. I'll let you know if I figure it out, but just now I noticed how old my hands are looking and I must go apply anti-wrinkle cream immediately. :-)

March 22 - Random Anti-Wedding Sentiments

2010-03-22T22:20:00.007-04:00

Anyone who have ever met me will know that I don't cherish the idea of weddings. Or graduations (skipped 2 of my 3). Or really any occasion loaded with high emotions and inflated expectations waiting to be squashed. Plus I'm a bit anti-establishment, don't-tell-me-what-to-do, non-conventional.

All that to say, I'm still kind of a traditional girl. A silly but personally meaningful example:

-something old = my wedding/engagement ring is made from my great-grandfather's diamond tie pin,

-something new = uh, underclothes of course,

-something borrowed = my friend Arin's wedding dress (successfully married to the love of her life for 15 years and counting),

-something blue = blue flowers decorated my toenails :-)

Plus it's a good thing I'm not a surgeon. Saved $$$ by creating my own "French mani/pedi". Can you say pre-wedding jjjjjjjjjitters? Still looking at the jiggly lines with prudent fondness.

Contrary to popular concern, we did NOT end up with 15 green bean casseroles at our potluck- ice cream social wedding. Everyone brought amazing food selections from turkey & cream meatballs to curry dips & veggies to maraschino cherries in a jar. Kinda bummed actually. I heart green bean casserole.

And apparently NO ONE knows what to do with a guestbook these days. Our fabulous but dorky friends all signed in - cramming their names only on the very 1st blank page. You know, the one before the title page? Only our photographer (Dustin & Brinn Maust ROCK!) figured out that you're supposed to write on the lines that specify name, address, comments... Now I don't know where to send any snail mail thank you's. I was going to return to traditional, handwritten notes, but may have to resort to cheesy emails that half of ya'll aren't even sure how to open. Oh well.

Anyone want to hire me as your wedding coordinator? (Heehee)

March 20 - Pleasantly Overwhelmed

2010-03-20T11:40:00.003-04:00

Yesterday was a perfectly fabulous day! I won't be able to do it justice in this moment, and will take some time to process all the wonderful things that happened on our wedding day. This morning (ok, afternoon now), I am just so incredibly grateful for God's blessings in the man who is my husband and the love and support of all our friends and family. Everyone's generosity and practical love in throwing us the best wedding ever is truly overwhelming. Thank you!

March 18 - Greatness

2010-03-18T22:22:00.005-04:00

It's the night before my wedding. That is my official disclaimer for the probable randomness of this post. However, there's some important stuff going on!

Today is my sister's birthday! She's enormously (I hear) pregnant so will not be travelling this direction any time soon. I miss her and she has been soooooo supportive and helpful. Happy Bday Sista!

And last weekend my beautiful, kind, talented girlfriends threw a lovely bridal shower. Kem, Geneva & Emmi were master chefs, with an amazing south of the border theme and spread, all from scratch! I received a wonderful selection of gift cards ranging from Victoria Secret to Walmart, but honestly haven't had a moment to even look at them since the party. However, I'm so very thankful!

Life should even out in the next couple weeks and I'll get caught up on important things like thank you notes. And regular blogging. And twitter. And changing my name in about 50,000 places. Right?

March 10 - On Mission

2010-03-09T22:21:00.007-05:00

The wedding is less than 2 weeks away and my fiance is sweating, but not in a way one might imagine (I don't think...). He's 9000 miles away in the middle of a mission trip in southern India. Somehow this surprises people. More than once someone has been shocked to learn he was going through with the trip despite my (relatively sudden) appearance in his life. So I feel the need to explain. Our church has been ministering over in this "Untouchable" area of India for years, but this is the first time we sent a worship band, with outreach concerts planned throughout the region. Dale loves playing drums and does it with excellence. Dale deeply loves God. This trip is a way to connect the dots, serve the church team and the Indian people, and experience God in completely in a unique way.

Actually, he explains it thoroughly here, but these are my thoughts: Dale loves God. He has a servant heart. People matter to God so they matter to Dale. This is one of the reasons I love him. I admire him for his commitment, as well as the sacrifice of time, money, energy and emotional resources for something much bigger than the two of us.

Of course, I still miss him terribly and CAN'T WAIT for his return in 5 days! I'm practicing jumping for joy too, so I won't be outdone by this enthusiatic group of kids!

February 28 - Performances

2010-02-28T20:46:00.006-05:00

The last month has been packed with school-related evening events. Since we aren't really a sporty family, this is unusual. However, I'm thankful to be in a school system that considers music and public events of mainstream importance and not just fringe extras. Skyler had a musical program with the 2nd graders where he got to dress up as a farmer and fight off the evil "weeds" from another class. He also got to present his writing about what makes a good leader to honor the school board last month.
Seth had a fun evening of dancing and singing to rock 'n roll classics with the 5th grade class, and was proud to actually participate in the fancy footwork for the first time. This past week was his school's Fine Arts night, featuring writing workshop books, dioramas and art work throughout the school building. It was also his trombone debut with the first band concert. He even performed a solo version of Hot Cross Buns.

Naomi's kindergarten play is coming up in a couple weeks and she's already prancing around and singing. Pretty cool stuff.

February 26 - Beyond I Do

2010-02-24T12:50:00.003-05:00

I don't think anyone would argue that marriage is tough. Seems like common knowledge that relationships take work. What is not so commonly known is exactly "how" or "what" to do and maybe even more important, "why bother".

Obviously I haven't figured out the magic formula, but at least I'm open to learning more. So Dale and I have been reading and counseling together. A couple weeks ago we finished Saving Your Second Marriage Before It Starts - Nine Questions to Ask Before (& After) You Marry which was full of great talking points like choosing happiness and blending families, as well as strategies for success. Last weekend we wrapped up what has been a tough but brilliant session with Ted Bryant. With his wife, Angie, he leads the Beyond I Do marriage enrichment class at our church. The exercises we worked through together will be invaluable in helping us plan for life together. In fact, I think any committed couple could really benefit from the class and would highly recommend it! (The next one is Saturday, March 6.)

I'm so blessed to have a strong man who is up to the challenge of making marriage great - for life. We're looking forward to it!

February 15 - Ooo-Ooo-Ooo-phorectomy

2010-02-15T10:20:00.005-05:00

Dale & I met a new cancer doc (gynecological oncologist - whatever) last Friday. Yuck. Let me just start by saying nothing compares to being stripped below the waist and having a stranger tickle your ovaries in front of your fiance. Mor-ti-fy-ing.

Anyway, here's the scoop: I'm not imminently dying. Everything looks ok today. However, there's probably a greater than 1 in 5 chance I'll develop ovarian cancer sometime in the next 30 years. Therefore both doctors recommend at minimum ovary removal, and really suggest complete internal girl-part-ectomy. Sooner rather than later. I'm already in the window of risk based on family history.

The good part? We know now and that cancer is preventable with surgery. The sucky part? Aside from annoying costs and time off work and surgery complications, this is life-changing. Mayo Clinic has a good summary here. Basically, losing hormones leads to premature bone loss which accelerates over time, increased heart disease and dementia risk, insomnia, hot flashes and all kinds of sexual changes. Ugh.

Did I mention I'm getting married next month?! So I've apologized like 100x and recommended he run for the hills, but apparently I'm not scary enough. (insert evil laugh) For now we have follow up screening in 6 months and will make a decision on the next step then. What do you do when there is no "right" answer?

February 6.5 - On a Much Brighter Note

2010-02-07T10:42:00.003-05:00

I'm getting married!!! Like in less than 6 weeks. To Dale Shafer, a most wonderful, God-loving, talented, smart, funny, incredible man. I am truly blessed.

February 6 - Oncologists Scare Me

2010-02-07T09:58:00.003-05:00

Not in a big hairy monster or serial killer kinda way, but more like a "Crap, this can't be good" kinda way. That's what it feels like when the cancer doctor calls 2 years after he's dismissed you and requests an office visit ASAP. So I went. Now I have some updates to deal with. I'm going to try to stick to facts in this post in case someone wants to know what's going on. But I'm still scared.

I had genetic testing done, which 2 years ago did not indicate any links that increased my cancer risk. Now they have more info and have determined that I have a "deleterious mutation" that puts me at very high risk for breast cancer (sure enough) and a clinically significant risk for ovarian cancer (great). Pancreatic, colon and laryngeal cancer are also associated but not specifically linked.

Apparently since I opted for the double mastectomy I pretty much eliminated that problem. Whew. However ovarian cancer is a silent killer that now needs to be addressed. My doctor's recommendation is for surgical removal, not tomorrow but the sooner the better since risk increases exponentially with time. I meet with the gynecological oncologist/surgeon next Friday and will know more then. Meantime my imagination is running wild with thoughts of surgical pain, expense, menopause and loss.

There is also the unfortunate genetic lottery that I have passed on to my children. They have a 50% chance of carrying the same mutation and all three will have to be screened regularly starting at age 20. Sorry kids!

I'd ask for prayers, but I don't even know what to request at this point. Good stress management practices? ;-p

January 20 - Table 9

2010-01-20T18:37:00.003-05:00

You know that awkward group of misfits? Those weirdos that don't seem to have anyone else to hang with at the party? Yeah, we're kinda those girls. (Or maybe that's just me.)

Actually, we're a group of 6 ladies who have been through some tough life stuff together over the last 2 years. We met at a Turning Point (Boundaries) class through church. are committed to learning together and keeping each other on track.

I hope everyone is blessed with friends like them. Thank you Table 9 Girls!

January 15 - Today's Inspiration

2010-01-15T17:39:00.003-05:00

Last night for bedtime stories, we revisited one of my favorites: Shel Silverstein. I grew up listening to tapes of him reading the poetry that is so fantastically written to relate to kids. It's full of practical wisdom and whimsical fantasy. Plus it's fun to read.

Here's my favorite from Falling Up

Woulda-Coulda-Shoulda
All the Woulda-Coulda-Shouldas
Layin' in the sun
Talkin' 'bout the things
They woulda-coulda-shoulda done...
But those Woulda-Coulda-Shouldas
All ran away and hid
From one little did.

So don't "should" on yourself. So there. :-)

December - Road Trip!

2009-12-23T13:54:00.005-05:00

Holiday road trips = the long-standing family tradition when all extended family live states away. Growing up, my grandparents lived in California and Pennsylvania, so I have fond memories of being crammed into a Volkswagon Rabbit or Volvo for days on end. Now I am a grown up (sort of), with my own family, and the tradition continues. Somehow, despite being raised in the Midwest my whole life, all my family ended up back on the West and East coasts.

So we're off! Michigan to Southern California: 9 states, 35 hours straight, one way - yay! Extended car time really brings character into the light and here's what I know about my kids: they're awesome! Somehow they do better 2-3 days in a car than in 20 minutes to church! We do have a comfy mini-van, and spend more time driving at night than during the day, but only needed the DVD player for a few hours. They're amazing in their ability to entertain and take care of each other.

Last spring my sister and mom helped with the drive. This time Dad's taking both directions. The family gets to continue to make memories together. I'm so excited and blessed!